Don't Blake My Heart

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Reckless. Bellamy knew at the very least that it was that. Somewhere in the back of his irrational mind, he knew that it was. But it remained unacknowledged, just like it had when he ran out there without a specific plan, without any back up . . . because Clarke's life had been in danger. They were using her, to get to him, and Bellamy couldn't allow it. With the help of Abby, he had been armed and snuck out without anyone else knowing. Impulsive.

Reckless. But Clarke was safe. That was what mattered. Wasn't it? Wasn't she? And Bellamy . . . well he supposed he was still alive. Everything was hazy though. He knew he was being dragged in somewhere, the noises in the background sounding more distant than they actually were. Everything was blurry and he wasn't even certain how he ended up on the bed, somewhere. He felt dizzy, as if he was going to be consumed with darkness once more.

But still conscioust. He had to be. The fear of not waking up was strong. Laying here allowing him to be a little more coherent, trying to piece together recent events. Had he just imagined it? Or was Clarke actually alright? "Where . . . is she?" He managed to get out, not entirely certain whether his voice was slurred or not. He blinked rapidly, as if he could clear his vision with that, protesting over lying flat as he attempted to raise the upper half of his body.

[Deleted]

Jackson heard the commotion through camp, and wondered at first if something happened to Clarke. Jackson knew she'd been taken by Grounders, but that was about all he knew. Abby had been out of medical all day, and Jackson assumed she was coming up with some way to get Clarke back. He wasn't prepared to see multiple guards come into Medical dragging Bellamy over to to an examination table. Jackson's heart jumped up into his throat at the site of his hair matted with blood that tickled down his face. "What the hell happened?!" he snapped as he jumped up and rushed over to Bellamy.

One of the guard seemed surprised by his less than calm reaction, but explained that Bellamy had gone out of camp by himself to get Clarke, and had been struck over the head. Jackson immediately started checking Bellamy's vitals as he listened, pushing Bellamy back onto the table when he tried to sit up without bothering to answer his question. The more the guard explained, the angrier Jackson felt, but he did his best to keep working and not let his emotions get the better of him. How could Bellamy be so reckless? How could he risk his life like this, go out by himself, if...?

He could already tell Bellamy was probably concussed by his behavior, but he shone his penlight into Bellamy's eyes without his usual warning to confirm it, ignoring Bellamy's protest. When Bell tried to sit up again, Jackson pushed him back down again. "Lay down, and stay that way," he demanded, an edge to his voice that wasn't normally there when he was working with a patient. "I'll sedate you if I have to," he threatened, though sedating a concussed person wasn't safe. Maybe Bellamy wouldn't remember that in this state. He kept his hand on Bellamy's shoulder as he moved around to better inspect the gash in Bellamy's scalp to assess if it needed stitches or not. "Tell me if you think you might throw up," he added before starting to rinse the blood away so he could see, knowing the pain it might cause could make some people badly concussed vomit. He'd just have to be quick with the basin if that happened.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy felt someone push him back down, and he wanted to protest. He wanted to fight against it, but even as he tried, his body lacked the strength to do so. No one had answered his question, and it made him more stubborn to not lay here uselessly. Even in his half conscious state -- which was becoming more and more alert to his surroundings -- Bellamy could hear the different tone in Jackson. He knew his partner well enough, and supposed he should have been braced for this. But right now, he just needed confirmation. He just needed to make sure that he hadn't imagined that she was alright. That she actually was. A bright light in his eyes made his face twist in discomfort and annoyance, trying to turn his head away but it was soon gone.

He tried to sit up again but was met with the same pressure keeping him down. He was growing increasingly agitated, as he never made a good patient. "Where is she?!" He demanded again, knowing that the disorientation was only added to his current mood. But the threat of sedation made him ease against the bed a bit more . . . not wanting that, not even fully connecting the two together. He felt a hand on his shoulder, Bellamy's eyes trying to follow Jackson as he moved around him. But the more he shifted his head, the more it hurt.

A wave of nausea coursed through him, feeling the doctor start to clean the blood. Bellamy closed his eyes, trying to take deep breaths to ease the unsettling feeling. Something was different. Something was different with Jackson. "How bad is it?" He asked, wanting to know what was wrong with him so that he could fix it and Bellamy could get out of medical. It was becoming more abundantly clear that his partner was not his usual self . . . there was a tenderness missing and soon enough, Bellamy would piece things together. Right now, he was just focusing on not throwing up all over said partner.

[Deleted]

Jackson glanced up at movement across the room to see Abby come in to medical, but then he looked back down at Bellamy's head. "You need a couple stitches," he said briskly. "And I don't know where Clarke is, but she'd be in here if she wasn't okay, and she's not in here." He knew Abby would notice his tone difference immediately, but he didn't dare look over at her. At least Bellamy had stopped trying to sit up.

Jackson started preparing his supplies to stitch the wound, his hands moving quickly. "You got her back to camp, if that's what you're worried about." He obviously hadn't worried about himself. Selfishly, Jackson thought, he hadn't worried about him either, or their relationship. Jackson shook his head at himself. He couldn't think about how much it would hurt to lose Bellamy now over something so stupid. He had to focus.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She was here. She was safe. Those were the words Bellamy focused on, more than whay Jackson had told him about his condition. He would need stitches apparently but she was alright. It was a small price to pay for Clarke's safety, so Bellamy felt at peace for that. He supposed it could have been a lot worse. "Then it wasn't for nothing," Bellamy said more to himself, but the words came out regardless.

What was quickly starting to register and sink in was Jackson's tone. There was something in it that Bellamy hadn't heard before. A lacking warmth which wasnt common for Jackson. . . especially considering their relationship. Bellamy tried to turn his head to look at him, but the more limited he kept his movements, the less nauseous he felt. "You ok?" He questioned, blaming his disorientation for the seemingly stupid question. And yet, there was a sincere curiosity and concern there. Perhaps once fully coherent, Bellamy would understand but for this current moment in time . . . the question stood.

[Deleted]

Jackson tried to ignore Bellamy's first words. It wasn't for nothing. Maybe that was true. Clarke was apparently back in camp. But that didn't change the fact that Bellamy had been completely reckless going off on his own like he had. As much as Jackson cared for Clarke and Abby, one person going to get her alone was too much of a risk.

When Bellamy asked if he was okay, Jackson barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes. It was typical that Bellamy would worry about everyone but himself, but it wasn't endearing right now. He reached out to guide Bellamy's head into a neutral position. "Lay still," he said, sighing heavily. He couldn't let Bellamy worry about him right now. Any kind of mental or physical exertion was bad for a concussion. "I'm fine," he said, managing to gentle his voice a bit. His face was still probably obviously angry, but Bellamy couldn't see his face right now. He needed Bellamy calm. He needed to do his job. He could get mad at Bellamy later.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Fine. Bellamy first hand knew that when someone said fine, well they weren't really fine. "No you're not," he mumbled in a low voice, but knew that it was best not to get into it here. Whatever had caused the different air between them . . . they would talk it out. When Bellamy wasn't bleeding from the head. Jackson had said he needed stitches so the sooner this was over, the better.

 "How long is this going to take?" He asked, hating just lying here . . . needing to be doing something more productive. Even if it was just talking to Jackson and explaining things. Did he already know? Had someone told him? Is that why he was upset? The flood of thoughts was just adding to Bellamy's already dizzy head. He closed his eyes, taking another slow breath to swallow back the churning of his stomach.

[Deleted]

Jackson didn't bother arguing that he wasn't fine. He was well aware fine was the answer people gave when they weren't. He vaguely recalled Bellamy once asking him how his was with the caveat that he not say he was "fine". But this wasn't the place to get into it.

"It'll take as long as it takes," Jackson said, threading the needle he was going to use on Bellamy's scalp. He was debating whether this injury was bad enough to justify using anesthetic, and decided against it. They still had to ration, and in spite of the concussion, this was a relatively minor cut. He's seen and heard of the things Bellamy had endured. Bellamy could handle this. "And then you have to rest for at least a week," he said, emphasizing the time period. he knew that would be hard for Bellamy, but it was needed.

He rinsed the fresh blood that had accumulated on Bellamy's scalp and prepared to stitch. "This is going to hurt. I'm sorry," he said, and then started his stitching.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

FHis answer was hardly satisfactory. It would take as long as it was take. Void of details, but Bellamy didn't push for it. HE would just have to wait and see. Just like he didn't vocalize his refusal to rest for a week. There was no way in hell he was going to be resting for that long, but once again, he remained silent. He wasn't trying to pick a fight or start an argument with Jackson. Especially not here in such a public setting, and he knew that something was already bothering his partner.

The more clarity he was met with, the more it would start to make sense. He warned him that it was going to hurt, and Bellamy braced himself, feeling the sharp stab of the needle. He closed his eyes, sharply inhaling, as his face slightly twisted in a cringe. His hand gripped the sheets of the bed, fisting it in his hand before relaxing it.

He wanted to reach his hand back, to touch Jackson, even just on his side to take that support from him. To draw strength from his physical presence -- even though he knew he was here tending to him. But Bellamy fought that urge, and instead, just forced back the pain of the moment. "How many stitches?" He inquired, trying to distract himself with some conversation -- even if Jackson didn't seem to be in the talking mood.

[Deleted]

Jackson didn't fail to notice that Bellamy hadn't responded to his orders to rest for at least a week. God help him, if Bellamy didn't rest, Jackson was going to be even angrier. He went out recklessly and got himself badly hurt, but if he refused to take care of himself... well, that was also reckless.

"Three. Maybe four," Jackson said. "I've got two in. Almost over," he added, his voice a little absent as he focused on what he was doing. He could tell Bellamy was hurting. He'd heard his sharp inhalation and saw him grip the sheets. Jackson was pushing a needle through already aggravated skin, so it was expected. Thankfully, Bellamy hadn't thrown up yet.

When he finished his stitching, he sighed. Bellamy needed ice, in case the wound swelled more after being poked at. Jackson was afraid if he walked away, though, Bellamy would try to get up. Jackson leaned forward and lowered his voice. "I'm going to get you ice. If you try to leave medical, I am not afraid to pull rank on you so fast your head will spin even worse than it is now and have you restrained." He hated having to threaten Bellamy, but it was for Bellamy health and safety. However reckless Bellamy had been, he was safe right now, and Jackson intended to keep him that way.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy listened as Jackson counted down the stitches. When he finally did the last one, Bellamy's hand released its grip on the bedding and took a few, slow and deep breaths to ease the stirring in his stomach. He still felt like he was going to vomit and was doing everything he could to keep it down. Bellamy then heard Jackson tell him that he was going to get him some ice, and threatened him using his rank if he tried to leave. Bellamy's eyes locked onto his partner's, knowing that there was no jest in his voice . . . and that he was pretty damn serious.

"I'm not spending the night here," he told him stubbornly. He refused. He would not waste anyone's time or take up the space, nor could he be so useless for an entire night. "But I'll wait for you to come back with ice," he told him, as if it was some sort of compromise. He knew Jackson was damn briliant a this job, and held no doubt in that, but he wanted to get out of here. And just lie in his -- in their bed. Bellamy however somehow had a feeling that was easier said than done. "Thank you," he added on sincerely.

[Deleted]

"You're welcome," Jackson said, and walked away from Bellamy to go get some ice. They'd see about Bellamy spending the night. Jackson didn't mind if Bellamy left medical after a little while, if someone would help him to his bed so he could rest. But he doubted Bellamy wanted to leave so that he could just rest in his own bed.

Jackson was relieved when he came back to Medical with ice that Bellamy was still there, and he hadn't passed out. Jackson walked over and pressed the ice gently to the top of Bellamy's head. "Hold this here," he said, and once Bellamy was holding the icepack in place, he grabbed a clean cloth, wet it, and started to gently wipe the blood that had run down Bellamy's face. "Seven to ten days of rest," he said. "No strenuous activity, mentally or physically. No patrols, no running into danger, no sex, no reading even, for the first couple days," he said. It was a version of the concussion speech he always gave, but more personalized for Bellamy. "I could read to you, though." Well, if Abby hadn't figured out why Jackson was treating Bellamy different by now, that would give them away. "I'm dead serious, Bell." Bellamy wasn't going to listen to any of this, was he?

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy watched Jackson walk away and waited for a few moments. He didn't plan on actually leaving medical before he came back . . . but he did try to move, at least a little. He attempted to stand up but the action left him even more dizzy and nauseated than before so he didn't get far before sitting back down, irritated with his failure. Jackson returned soon enough, positioning the ice for him, as Bellamy complied and held it against his head. He had to admit that the coolness of it helped soothe the intense throbbing. He watched his partner as he began to wipe the blood from his face, feeling like a damn invalid for not being able to do anything.

Deep down however, he found himself intrigued and oddly drawn to this rare moment of someone taking care of him. Jackson's words quickly snapped him out of it. He just continued to look at the doctor, knowing he was being professional but his comment about reading to him personalized it. No patrolling. No work. No sex. No reading. "What the hell am I supposed to do for a week?" He asked, his voice not defensive or angry, but he rather calmly asked, genuinely curious as to how he was expected to just . . . do nothing for that long. He had never done nothing for that long in his entire life. "There's only so much you can read to me," he said in an attempt of a light tease, though he also meant the words.

It was a show of appreciation as well, for Jackson's offer. Another aspect of intimacy that existed between them. "I doubt you could even do that," he added on, referring to resting for . . . what was it, seven to ten days? Hell no. "Look, I appreciate the concern. But I'm fine. I need a day's rest and that's all." He didn't want to lie to Jackson by agreeing to all this, and then not fulfilling his promise. "I'll even prove it to you later," he added on in an extremely low voice, a small tease of suggestiveness in reference to the specific no sex clause of his instructions. Anything to help distract the conversation from these medical orders . . . and to help alleviate some of the strange tension that seemed to exist.

[Deleted]

Jackson felt almost relieved that Bellamy was sounding more like himself now. Jackson's expression was starting to relax a little as he brushed the damp cloth down the bridge of Bellamy's nose, his lips quirking as Bellamy pointed out it would be difficult for Jackson just to rest for a week too. Jackson knew he was a work-a-holic, and it would definitely be difficult to just rest for a week. But he also knew he wasn't as good for his patients if he wasn't well, so he would at least try, if he could. If Abby could spare him. There were more guards than doctors, though. Bellamy could be spared a week.

When Bellamy shifted the conversation back to him being fine, and only resting a day... and proving he was okay with sex (and God, Jackson hopped Abby hadn't heard that!), Jackson felt his his expression tense again. He shook his head. "No you won't," he said. He was going to have to go to Kane and get Bellamy benched, wasn't he? Bellamy wouldn't be happy about that, but if Bellamy wouldn't voluntarily rest, Jackson had to take other measures to ensure he didn't have a choice.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Jackson gave one simple statement in response, and Bellamy couldn't tell if it was a reflection of whatever mood he was in, or his attempt to try to keep him under his medical advice. Either way, Bellamy was defiant toward it. He reached for the cloth, taking it from Jackson's hand and just casually holding it. As if to prove that he wasn't a patient, or didn't need to be one. "You should do something else," he told him, not in annoyance but in his blunt typical way of talking. "I'm alright. Whether you believe it or not." It was just a concussion. Nothing overly serious. He didn't lose a limb or get any brain damage.

He would be fine. And he was going to prove that by well, not limiting himself to lying around like a lazy ass for an entire week or more. Such was not in his nature and there was no way in hell he could do that now. He hadn't even done it after Mount Weather. As if a concussion was going to be the thing that would stop him this time around. "I'll see you later?" He both asked and stated in a low voice, a slight uncertainty in his voice because something about the way Jackson was . . . well, Bellamy knew he was off. Bothered by something. And Bellamy hoped to find out soon enough. Just, not in a place where there were so many other people around.