How far we've come, so far from home

[blake]

Octavia Blake

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I don't want to survive. I want to live.

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Octavia sat at her seat and mostly pick at her food, but being raised how she was, she wasn't going to waste it. She knew that even when you didn't feel like eating--you ate. She was bored, restless, and feeling at odds with who she was now. She wasn't an Arker, never had been. She'd been hidden, and then locked away her whole life--then sent to the ground to die. She hated these people for so long she didn't know how to life with them. While she no longer wished them dead, she had never felt at ease with most of them. The 100 that went down with her was an exception. They were the ones who were kicked out just as she was. She had fought with them, bleed with them, cried with them. Everyone else was the problem.

Finishing her food, she got up and left, walking into the make shift bar they were building and watching them work on it for a while. Still restless, she left it there and paused. Seeing @jasper420. She knew he was hurting. When Mount Weather's people started dying, O had been surrounded by the guard, and she knew that her and Maya were dead. Only instead everyone else died right there. Knowing Maya was a friend, she had stayed with her until Jasper could get to her, but nothing could have stopped it from happening by that point. Walking over to him, she came to a rest to stand beside him. "Want to go for a walk?" They could clear their heads, and he looked like he could use some air and a friend. Maybe they both could.

[Deleted]

Jasper wasn't quite sure how long he'd been standing where he was. Could have been minutes. Could have been hours. Time was running together lately, and Jasper knew intellectually that it was because he wasn't really sleeping much, but knowing that didn't make him any more inclined to go to bed. Not when the weird, looping nightmares never stopped. He ran through the halls of Mount Weather every time he slept, encountering different obstacles every time, but it always ended with Maya dying, her face burning as he held her.

In the absence of anything worth smoking on Earth, Jasper couldn't wait for them to finish the bar. Maybe then he could get some much-needed dreamless sleep.

He almost jumped when Octavia spoke, and he looked over at her briefly before dropping his gaze to the ground, his hair falling in his eyes. "What's the point?" he muttered, his expression a little bitter even as his eyes welled up. He tugged his jacket tighter around himself. Eventually, he needed to thank Octavia for staying with Maya. But not now. Right now, he was afraid he'd shatter if he even began to form the words.