Hodnes Laik Kwelnes

[Deleted]

if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you tagged Bellamy Blake

Five years. Bellamy and Lexa had been the parents of two beautiful children for five years. One was named Athena; she, like her brother was a nightblood—only Athena was in training to become a potential Heda. Their second born was named Apollo and he had a softer nature about him. He didn’t like to fight and the couple didn’t force him to... Instead they enjoyed his other talents. He was a beautiful storyteller and even skilled in the art of drawing and singing considering his age... Athena was so much like her mother, and Apollo was the spitting image of his father. A mother never chose favorites... She loved her children, so much—but when she found out that Apollo had been taken from his bed by Azgeda spies, something stopped. The devastation, the fear, the pain and the anger turned into nothing.

She was numb... with visions of bloodied and dismembered body parts coursing through her mind—she couldn’t imagine the pain her son—her innocent, sensitive son would be going through in the hands of Queen Nia. The coalition was in place; the thirteen clans were united, but there was an unspoken war brewing between Lexa and Queen Nia. Ever since Bellamy rejected the kill order, there had been tension... and now she had her son. Her flesh and blood—her son... She couldn’t feel... The moment those feelings crept up she knew they would cripple her so she shut them out—went to her room and wouldn’t let anyone disturb her as she sat by the base of her bed, staring into nothingness. Losing a child was the greatest pain a parent could feel, so she had been told... And she was going to lose her precious Apollo.

They would torture him; use him to make her crumble... and she knew she was supposed to be strong but Azgeda had her. The moment she allowed that dread to creep in, they would have her and she would do anything to save him. Anything. Her children were more than her own life. So she couldn’t feel. She sealed the gates to her mind shut and rejected the news like it wasn’t real—as though it were a dream, and instead of facing those feelings and planning his rescue she shut down... Even Athena couldn’t get through to her. For a long while, Lexa had been sitting with her and brushing her hair numbly before sending her to bed, but she was still... numb. Unfeeling. Shut off.

"Get out," she said immediately as the door opened. She didn't know who it was, but if it was Titus again she would probably strangle him.

OWL

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: amber3

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

I won't let anything bad happen to you. Those had been the first words he said to Octavia. The first words he had said when he held Apollo and Athena in his arms for the first time. And just like Octavia, he failed his children. He had broken his promise. For right now, Nia had Apollo. The fear for a child was unlike anything Bellamy had experienced before. The fear was expressed at anger, wanting to . . . no, willing to do whatever it took to bring him back safely. They would not kill Apollo, that Bellamy knew. But it was what else they may be doing to him that terrified the Heda's husband. Torturing him. Isolating him.

Just the fact that he was ripped from his family and home was bad enough. Lexa had closed herself off and Bellamy was trying to deal with the political repercussions. But he was not a Grounder politician. Of course he had learned things after having been married to the Commander for so long . . . but was not the primary figure who dealt with this. Right now, he had to. He wasn't able to escape until dark came, and he had the time to return to their chambers . . . to find Lexa and speak to her about this. Firstly, he checked on their daughter. She was sleeping soundly and Bellamy kissed her on the cheek, setting extra guards in the vicinity. Once that was straightened out, he barged into their rooms, and saw her sitting on the bed, immediately demanding that the person get out without seeing who it was. Bellamy had no intention of leaving. When she needed to be left alone, he would often respect that. But not right now. "Get up," he retorted, countering her words of Get Out.

"Our son is missing and you're hiding out in here." A statement, more than a question. His anger was coming out against her, even though he knew it was not the proper outlet. He was over emotional however. How could he not be?! Their precious son was in the hands of who was now very clearly their enemy. And Bellamy knew it was his fault. "Get the hell up, Lexa." He was beyond using titles. "It's time to bring him home." Somehow. He didn't have a plan. But he knew that soon enough, if they didn't think of one . . . he would march over to the Ice Nation and attempt to save him himself. The irrational plan more tempting in Bellamy's impulsive and overly emotional mind. He took a deep breath, trying to control his raging emotions because . . . well, it was not his son who was missing, but their son. And he knew that was not easy for her to bare.

[Deleted]

if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you tagged Bellamy Blake

It’s time to bring him home, he said as though it were even a possibility. Azgeda would return him. Piece by piece. They would start with his fingers—or perhaps an ear. They would send his bloodied clothes and his shaven hair. They would torture him for hours, for days… it would destroy him—and Bellamy ignorantly thought bringing him home was a possibility. As if it were simple. “GET OUT.” She screamed at him now—her voice loud and harsh, ragged with emotions as she got off the bed. She reached for the first thing she could touch; a glass—which she threw at him so hard it shattered on the wall behind him. Next she grabbed a wooden bowl of water and threw it at him as well.

“GET OUT! GET OUT! I WANT YOU OUT OF MY FACE! I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU!” Her words were hoarse and screamed so loudly her voice seemed to drop. When she was within reach, she hit him; hard. “This never would have happened if you didn’t side with that hateful bitch! If you hadn’t schemed with her your SON wouldn’t be getting torn apart by her wolves! If we bring him home what are we going to have!? Nia doesn’t keep her prisoners intact! We’ll be bringing back his dismembered body!” When she had a chance to breathe it came out as a sob. She hit him again; shoving him back and wiping at her face furiously. “I don’t want to see you. I don’t want you here; I don’t want to talk to you I don’t want anything to DO WITH YOU.” She shook with rage, it was so much easier to feel than fear. She didn’t mean what she said entirely but Bellamy was the only thing she could take her emotions out on. She wasn’t thinking.

“He is going to die HORRIBLY. BECAUSE YOU CHOSE AZGEDA!” She swung at him again but her hand met open air and she stumbled; catching herself on the wall where she slid down to sit. She shook horribly as she tried to contain it… it was happening again. All of it, only now it was with Apollo. Their sweet, innocent little boy who wanted nothing to do with the violence… They protected him from it… but now… “He’s probably already dead. We’ll get his head delivered to us and then she’ll try to take Athena as well.”

OWL

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: amber3

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She yelled at him to get out. Words associated with a flying glass and wooden bowl . . . both of which he managed to evade by ducking and moving out of the way just in the nick of time. She continued to yell at him, telling him to get out of her face. He didn't know waht sort of reaction he expected from Lexa. He had never seen her quite this . . . emotional before. Not enraged like this. Had the circumstances not been so grim, he would have been glad to see such feelings expressed by her. She no longer relied on the objects, but rather her hands as she hit him. She wasn't exactly a weak woman. The was impact there, but he just stared at her in return, not thinking to strike back. It was her words that hit him harder than any bowl or first ever could.

The blame for their kidnapped son set at his feet. It hurt . . . because he blamed himself. He failed in protecting their precious boy and hearing the reminder of it . . . hurt more than any physical strike against him. But anger seemed to be the foremost emotion right now, from both of them. It was misplaced at each other yet they were the scapegoat of it. They were the only ones who had each other to yell at. They couldn't exactly shout and attack Nia right now. The mental image she provided for that sent a surge of pain and fear . . . one that he supposed was perpetually there, but intensified as she suggested what could be happening to their son right now. Suggesting that he was already dead. When she pushed him, he stumbled back, but did not fall. She told him she didn't want to see him, claiming that he was going to die because he chose Azgeda.

Trying to hit him but missed and stumbled herself. Bellamy was frozen, paralyzed with the fear potentially losing their son. A loss he would never recover from. When Lexa was done speaking, Bellamy finally found the strength to strike back. "Me?" He began to say, sniffing his nose a little -- a gesture that he often did when overwhelmed with emotion. And right now, the anger was on the surface. Her provoking words made it impossible to contain. "Azgeda is your enemy. YOU are the one that she is after. You, the mighty Heda; Commander of the 12 damn clans. Our son is in danger because YOU made an enemy of Nia. Not me." He didn't mean it. But when his emotion got the better of him, he didn't hold back. He tended to hit where he knew it would hurt the other. And . . . the more he loved someone, the harder he struck.

"Our son is going to pay the price for your enemies. Not like this is the first time either." Costia. He damn well wished he could stop himself, that he could control his words . . . but the fear, anger, panic were all taking over. Consuming him. Pushing him to say these things to her. "Some mother you are. Giving up on your son already?! Well I'm not giving up on him. He deserves better than that." Better than what she was doing now. He took a few steps toward her, knowing he shouldn't, but unable to stop himself. Just like he was unable to stop his words. "If I have to clean up your mess, so be it. I'm not going to give up on our son. Not like you." His latter words spoken with evident digust, an expression to match them.

[Deleted]

if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you tagged Bellamy Blake

Bellamy's words hurt more than they should have. After saying what she had, she should have expected it. This was a side of Bellamy she had never seen. Though their marriage had never been perfect, it was never truly hostile. He'd never used Costia against her before, nor had he blamed the tension between herself and Nia on her. Azgeda had always been an enemy of Trikru. Numbly, Lexa sat on the floor and for a long while she stared through him... Everything he said was absorbed silently, but the moment he had the nerve to say she had given up on their son, her gaze turned hostile. It was a momentary change... Her blank eyes flashed up to his with fire before she swung her leg clean under his legs to buckle them. When he hit the ground, she yanked out her dagger and climbed on top of him; pinning him down furiously as she shoved the blade against his throat. 

"If you ever say that I've given up on my son again-- if you ever question my abilities as a mother again I will rip your fucking throat out and send that to your friend Queen Nia." She pressed the blade against his throat so hard it punctured skin and for a brief moment, she truly wanted to do it. "Maybe then she'll stop sending spies like you to my bed." She was applying too much pressure. Any more and she would cut too deep. Though the temptation was there, she released the blade. Instead of cutting him, her fist collided hard with his jaw. No. She was sick of words; sick of yelling. She wanted blood. Any blood. Bellamy had a problem keeping hurtful words to himself, in a way so did Lexa. She isolated herself for a reason. He saw it as giving up, she saw it as conserving her anger for the real cause of it. He disturbed that process. 

Lexa was blind with rage; punching him mercilessly as his throat bled. Her fists were bruised and bloodied by the time she stopped. Though, she didn't stop because she wanted to. Through the tears of anger she spotted Athena standing in the doorway, watching them through a mirror. She was clutching her pillow with trembling arms and when she saw her mother watching her she broke her silence. "Stop fighting," she said quietly. It was a mewling sound; confused, upset, heartbroken. "Stop hurting him," she said more boldly. Lexa was slow as she moved off of Bellamy. Her eyes were on Athena's... She hadn't expected her to wake up, but with all the yelling... 

"I'm sorry," she said quietly as she unclenched her fists. It was an apology directed at them both. She felt the sting in her knuckles and didn't even need to look at Bellamy to know the damage she'd caused. What did you do in these situations? There was no explaining this... 

OWL

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: amber3

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy wasn't sure what kind of reaction he was expecting. But the next thing he knew, his back was on the ground and Lexa moved on top of him. In a swift motion, the blade was pressed to his throat, digging it. Bellamyinhaled with a staggered breath, the pain of the sharp blade strong against his skin, feeling it start to slice open . . . enough to make blood spell. His eyes moved from the weapon to her face . . . and what he saw practically terrified him. Because he couldn't tell if she would actually do it. He saw this determination, a fury, a rage within her that convinced him that she could. That she would. That she was capable of slitting his throat. He said nothing, knowing that one word could easily set her off.

Instead, he just listened. Listened to her lash ot back at him; retaliate with threats and more rage. His breathing was slightly shaky, though his face showed no expression of fear. He wouldn't give that to her. Even if he felt his heart racing with the uncertainty of what she would do. Losing a loved one could truly change a person. He almost breathed a sigh of relief when she removed the blade, closing his eyes for a brief moment. It didn't last long. For when he opened them, he was met with her fist against his jaw.

And damn, it was a hard punch. His head remained at the side, while she continued unleashing her unfinished fury of rage. Boiled over anger, resulting in each punch across his face. His mouth filled with blood, his vision blurring. He was on the brink of unconsciousness, though used every ounce of strength within him to stay conscious. It grew more difficult as it got to the point of his entire face becoming numbed. He didn't know what compelled her to stop, barley awake any more. Barley able to see her. It was a small voice that made it clear. One that sounded more distant than it actually was. When Lexa was finally off of him, he turned his head to the side, groaning as a mouthful of blood spilled from between his lips.

Coughing out whatever remained that threatened to choke him. He gasped for air, trying to crawl away but the action made that numbness that caused the beating to be bearable, to ebb away. Left only was the intensity of pain, his entire face throbbing from her actions. He attempted to turn his body, bracing himself up on his hands though his arms were slightly shaky. He closed his eyes, trying to regain what semblance of composure he could. Lexa's apology fell on deaf ears.

For now, the pain of his daughter laying witness to this . . . consumed him. Perhaps result in more pain than Lexa's fists and blade. He didn't want Athena to see this; he didn't want this to be a memory that scarred her. Spitting out more blood from his mouth, Bellamy tried to stand up, but ended up just staggering to the side, stumbling onto the nearby table. Which, allowed him to get some support as he leaned against it. His hand went to his throat to stop the bleeding, knowing that the area around one eye was severely swollen due to his inability to see properly.

"Athena, go to your room," he told her. He wanted to go with her, but he also didn't want her to see him like this. Taking a deep breath he closed his eyes for a short moment, opening them and using what little strength left within him, to walk toward her. His determined steps were the only thing keeping him braced. When close enough, he knelt down in front of her, looking into her beautiful face, hating the fact that she saw both her mother and father like this. "Bak op kom bag." Go back to bed. His hand weakly went to her cheek, making sure it was not one stained with the blood of her father or mother. "Ai hod yu in." His voice was low, whispered, hoarse. He was just trying to focus on speaking to her in as much of a composed nature as he could. Because right now, she just needed to be reminded of that.

[Deleted]

if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you tagged Bellamy Blake

Lexa was stunned as she watched Bellamy pull himself up and move to comfort Athena. The Heda was shocked into silence and stumbled back against the bed. She sat on the edge and held her head in her hands, knowing that there was nothing she could say or do to take back the strikes. Bellamy was beaten bloody- in front of their child. How did Lexa even begin to undo that damage. She wiped at her eyes to catch tears before the fell as Bellamy spoke to Athena. As much as she wanted to, Lexa didn't know what to say. Guilt weighed her down more than any anger she could feel for Bellamy. The guilt and shame of what she'd done was enough to pull her out of the red haze to realize what a waste fighting her husband was. He wasn't the enemy.

The enemy was in the north, relishing in her victory. She'd have the bitch's head. She would have her dragged through the streets of Polis, tied to horses at a gallop. The world would see what happened when you harmed the child of the commander. "Athena, listen to you father," Lexa urged gently in a broken voice when she saw her looking to her mother. It was a gaze of concern both for what her mother was feeling, and what she could do. The expression was too mature for such a young face. "We will bring Apollo home." That would be the only thing that would stop this rage. It was the only thing they should have been focusing on-- not tearing at one another. Bellamy knew that. He didn't start this fight. That was on Lexa... He could add it to the list of reasons why he could hate her. She knew he had plenty.

She stood slowly and wiped the blood from her hands. Her knuckles were coated in both their blood... The dark bruises on her hands were enough to tell her that she had gone too far. Farther than she ever had... She had never stuck one she loved before. Before that fact could bring another bout of emotion she cleared her throat. "Go now." She said more sternly. She wasn't afraid of coming across too harsh. The girl had just seen her beating her father to a pulp. Lexa didn't have any repor left to lose. Their daughter left reluctantly; silently with a last look to Bellamy, and when she was gone Lexa drew a breath. "Bellamy... I will... never do that again," she said quietly. An apology didn't fit. Not now. There were no words. "We have to stop fighting... we are wasting energy; time... I don't care about the alliance. I don't care about keeping peace this is an act of war." She looked up at him as she held her hands close. "We have to plan an attack."

OWL

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: amber3

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy felt a wave of relief of wash over him when their daughter began to depart the room. She cast a reluctant glance, which he responded with a short nod . . . until she returned to her chambers. He could now allow his composure to waver a little, but not much. Lexa was still present. He loved his wife, but right now . . . he couldn't look at her. Her words filled the room as he took a deep breath, struggling to stay standing, making his way over to where a cloth and small bowl stood. He took the pitcher of water, pouring some into it. His entire face throbbed, his neck stinging from the wound . . . but he would not fall.

He would not collapse. He said nothing in return at first, using the cloth to wipe away the blood that dripped from his neck from the impact of the blade. He dipped it in the water to rinse it off, repeating the motion, and hoping that it wasn't deep enough to require any sort of actual medical assistance. Once he did what he could with his neck, he began to move the cloth over his face, slightly cringing where the flesh was sensitive from the bruises . . . but he needed to wipe the blood away. His back was toward Lexa, having no intention to turn to look at her right now. He of course regretted what he said to her, and wanted to believe her when she told him this would never happen again. The unleashed fury within him . . . scared him. She was at least right about how they needed to stop fighting. It would get them no where.

"Athena is not safe here," he began to say, his gaze still averted from her as he instead focused on the current task. Polis was not safe for her right now. God knows what kind of spies were lurking about. They had somehow gotten a hold of their son . . . despite the guards and what they presumed to be secure location. "She needs to go to Arkadia." Where she would be protected. Their technologies granted them with the necessary security, defenses, and thus, protection. Furthermore, she would be among his people . . . who right now, he trusted more than possible Azgeda spies dwelling in the capitol. "What do you have in mind?" He further asked, rinsing the blood stained cloth in the water as he watched the liquid turn color. His heart hurt more than any physical wound ever could. It ached for his son.

[Deleted]

if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you tagged Bellamy Blake

No- she thought when he said they would take her to Arkadia. She kept her mouth shut and tried to calm her objections as she stood and took her clothes. She draped her armor over her bed and pulled her hair back from her face with her bruised hands. "Octavia will watch her then. Nobody else." She trusted Octavia even though the woman didn't trust her. Indra's trust meant more to her than anything. "Athena can stay in Arkadia until we have Apollo back, and then he will stay there as well. If you wish, you can stay with them... but this is war. This place will not be safe until we have Nia's head." She wanted more than that... Nia would feel the deaths of every death she ever caused. She would feel every ounce of pain her lover felt and every ounce of pain she inflicted on her son. She would have her flayed, burned and then cut before scattering her body in the woods for the wolves to feast on her worthless remains. Anger was much easier than pain. 

"I will have Titus find the spies in these halls before we leave. They will be executed immediately." Lexa slipped off her robe and pulled on her armor as she looked in the mirror. Her eyes were on Bellamy's back. She wanted to say so much to him... this wasn't the time. Apologies now would do nothing... instead, they would focus their anger where it counted. She pressed the sun shaped embellishment against her forehead and carefully took the black paint from her armoire. Carefully, she drew the deadly mask onto her skin. "For now we'll let Athena sleep, but we should pack her things... She is good on a horse. She will ride with us tomorrow." Now she turned to look at Bellamy... reluctantly she walked towards him and stood in front of him so that he could not look away. She reached up and cupped his beaten face, though her expression remained stoic. "Will she be safe in Arkadia? Completely? I wouldn't send her there-- but I trust you... If you think it's best then I will support it."

OWL

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: amber3

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy wasn't entirely certain whether Lexa would immediately agree to the suggestion, but nor was it one he was going to back down from. It seemed he wouldn't have to. For she agreed. Saying that Octavia would watch her. That suited Bellamy perfectly fine. He trusted her and Lincoln emphatically, and knew that the two of them would protect Athena with their lives. She was after all Octavia's niece. Bellamy didn't say anything in response to Lexa outlining the next few things that would happen.

This was after all her jurisdiction. Commanding. Taking the lead on such things. Despite Bellamy's time here, she was still Heda. She was the Commander, he was more . . . an enforcer. And representation for Skaikru. While he listened to her, he couldn't help but think of her earlier words. Ones that had depicted the torture and death that would inevitably befall their son should he stay in the clutches of Azgeda.

Hell, for all they knew he could be getting tortured right now . . . and the thought paralyzed him with fear. She was right. It would be his own fault. And that was not a loss he could recover from. It was in that moment that he knew. He knew what he had to do. His determination remained concealed, especially when she approached him, standing right in front of him, cupping his chin so that he would have to look at her.

He gripped the damp cloth in his hand, his eyes still not focused on hers. Not when she asked her question. He waited a few moments before his eyes finally went to her own gaze . . . though there wasn't heavy emotion in them. Only a truthful, honest answer to her inquiry. "She will be safe there," he confirmed. Unable to keep contact with Lexa for long, her moved his head away and stepped past her, setting the cloth down. Working on gathering his resolve. He would need to say bye to his daughter. He wanted to say goodbye to Lexa but . . . she would know. And he wasn't about to take the risk on her disallowing him to do this.

"I'm going to check on Athena," he said, knowing it was a safe topic to talk about. More than them right now, after what had happened. She trusted him she said. She would have to trust him on this. Without looking at her, he turned to walk out of the room. It would be too painful to look at the woman he loved. The one who had scared him tonight. The one who he may never see again. Instead, he went to his daughter's room, moving next to her in the bed for a moment and just watched her. Finally, without the threat of any pairs of eyes on him, he allowed a few tears to fall. Tears of fear for his son, daughter, and wife. Tears of sorrow for perhaps, never seeing them again. Because before the sun rose . . . he would be on his way to make a trade with Azgeda.