Be More Careful

[Deleted]

if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you tagged Costia

Azgeda had attacked that night. The one night that Lexa and Costia were paired off into separate camps, Costia’s camp was attacked and very few survived. By the time Anya got word of it, the injured had already been returned to the safety of TonDC. This was just an attack; not an intentional one against Lexa... But still, the retreat to TonDC was a long one, even on horseback. When she got back, her eyes scanned over the inured and the blood that poured from each of them. If they had been together—no. Anya said that if they had been together the losses would have been greater. “Costia!” she yelled, knowing that there was probably disapproval in Anya’s eyes, as her second wore her heart on her sleeve in moments like these. She slipped off her horse and stormed towards her loose wooden shack when she didn’t see Costia among the others. If she was alive, it was where she would be.

They stayed together when they could, so if Costia was alive, she would be waiting for her. Lexa threw open the door and nearly collapsed with relief when she saw Costia sitting on the bed... There was an arrow through her shoulder, but Lexa knew she could fix her up... but she was alive. The emotion washed over her face for a moment before she composed herself as she was taught. You could still see the worry in her eyes. “You’re alive,” she breathed as she walked to the bed with narrowed eyes, looking over the arrow. She slipped her thumb along the point and checked it for poison... there was none. Costia would be okay. “You’re staying in my scouting party next time,” she said sternly, though she had no authority to make that call.

OWL

[Costia]

Costia was thinking, going over everything in her mind, everything that had happened before the attack. Maybe it could have been prevented, maybe the lives that had been lost could've been saved if she had acted differently. No, it could never have been prevented, Azgeda warriors had swamped their camp, there were three times as many Azgeda warriors than Trikru. It was obviously supposed to be a massacre, the thought angered Costia, those were her people, her friends and most of them were now dead, slaughtered before many of them had time to reach for their weapons.

She had fought valiantly during the battle, but of course it had not been enough, none of it had been enough. She had been speaking with Gustus just before the attack, he wasn't just her guardian, he was also her mentor and she, his second. She had lost sight of him during the battle but she wouldn't forget the moment the arrow had hit her. She had been fighting with an Azgeda warrior that was twice her size, the general who was in charge of their scouting party had just sounded the retreat as it had become evident that they were vastly outnumbered, suddenly she had been knocked off her feet, a searing pain in her shoulder had made her cry out in pain as she'd been lying on the ground, staring up at the warrior that would surely end her life. However, Gustus had come to her rescue, dispatched the warrior with his heavy battle-axe and hauled her to her feet. She'd been taken back to Tondc with the rest of the few survivors and that was where she was now. Sitting on the bed, awaiting for Lexa to return, Lexa was her girlfriend, they were partners, they belonged to each other.

She could hear horses outside, hear their hooves on the ground and the babble of startled conversation as people hurried to meet whoever had just arrived. She heard a familiar voice call out and it was then that she knew Lexa had returned. She knew that she must've heard about the attack, knew that she would be worried. The girl flinched slightly as somebody threw the door open a little too violently and there she stood. Costia could instantly see the relief and the concern upon her face. You're alive. As the words left Lexa's mouth, Costia couldn't help but offer a weak smile "It would seem that way" she mumbled as the girl crossed over to the bed and touched the arrow tip that was still embedded in her shoulder. She grimaced as she shifted uncomfortably on the bed, "You know you have no say in where either of us are assigned, we must stay with our mentors, go where they go" she told her, lifting a hand to touch Lexa's face "you worry too much" she breathed. This was their lives, they were warriors, it was all they had ever known, they were born to fight for their clan, to die for their clan if that was to be their fate. She was prepared to die for her clan, she had been ready to give her life in that battle for her clan, even if she did not wish to die, she had been ready for death.

amber3

[Deleted]

if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you tagged Costia

“Yes, it would,” she mumbled as she sat on the bed carefully. She sat behind Costia and took out her small pack of medical supplies. Mostly, she sat behind her to hide the fear in her eyes that wouldn’t leave. She’d never forgive herself if something happened—if Azgeda killed her. Slowly, she took her dagger and held the arrow tip firmly so it would not shake before using her knife to slice through the wood and break it off. This injury was minor compared to most, so she didn’t blame the healers for not doing this sooner. Still, it was a crippling injury in battle. She didn’t know how Costia survived.

“I will talk to Anya. She’ll keep us together... I mean, you’re a talented warrior, Costia. She’ll keep us together if I ask her.” It wasn’t true. Her feelings were part of the reason they were separated in the first place.

She set the arrow head aside and hesitantly leaned in to kiss her shoulder softly. Her voice was quiet against it. “This is going to hurt,” she murmured as she grabbed the other end of the arrow firmly. She had to close her eyes before she pulled it out of her arm. She was not rough, just quick. Splinters of wood still jammed into the wound but the arrow was out and the blood started to flow again.

OWL

[Costia]

As Lexa sat behind her on the bed, she turned her head a small smile appearing on her face, she knew that the process of getting the arrow out of her shoulder would not be a pleasant one. It would be painful and she probably wouldn't have full use of her arm for a while. She scowled at the thought, it was her sword arm, she didn't like the idea of having to adapt to wield a weapon with her other arm until her wound healed. She looked down warily as the girl took hold of the shaft of the arrow, as she broke the shaft of the arrow off using her knife it sent a small jolt of pain into her shoulder, making her wince.

"You know that's not true Lexa" she muttered, managing a chuckle despite the pain in her shoulder "Anya puts us in different groups to separate us on purpose, there will be times like this where we don't know where each other are and sometimes we'll get hurt, but we need to be able to deal with it when it happens" she managed a shaky sigh as she thought of the worry she felt whenever they were separated. It happened often enough, but it wasn't often that one of their groups was attacked.

As Lexa leaned in and gave a kiss to her shoulder, Costia felt herself relax slightly before she uttered the words. This is going to hurt. After that she didn't give Costia much time to prepare herself before she gave a good hard tug on what remained of the arrow and wrenched it from her shoulder. Costia let out a short sharp cry as the pain flared up in her shoulder once again, her eyes squeezing themselves shut as she tried to compose herself. "Then one of us will die..." she muttered once the pain had subsided enough for her to speak "and we'll have to learn to deal with that... You'll have to deal with that" she breathed, looking her lover in the eyes. It was obvious what she was implying. Costia knew that as a nightblood Lexa would eventually become the Commander, she would be protected until her time came. Costia didn't believe that Lexa would be put into unnecessary danger, she on the other hand was a warrior, her job was to fight on the front line and defend her clan. There would be plenty of opportunities for her to lose her life, she'd just gotten lucky today, if Gustus had not been there, she would already be dead.

amber3

[Deleted]

if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you tagged Costia

“Stop talking Costia,” she said quietly, but still sternly as she picked the small wooden fragments out of the wound quickly. She took out a cloth and dipped it into a small bowl of water by her bed before running it over the wound to clean it. “We will not have to deal with it for a very long time and I don’t want to talk about it.” She pushed her dark hair aside before lifting her arm a little to wrap it with the cloth bandage. Anya said that Costia was her weakness, but she wasn’t. Costia was her strength; the pull that kept her going.

She kept her fighting, and so much of that was credited to Anya as well, but Lexa did not know where she would be without Costia. Or who, for that matter. When she was done wrapping the arm she put the arrow aside and wrapped her arms around her pale skinned lover, pressing small kisses against her neck as she pulled her closer to the head of her bed so that Lexa could rest against the headboard.

“I don’t want to hear you talking this way... We are safe; you are safe and I am not letting anyone take me away from you, or you away from me... I’ll protect you.” She let out a long sigh and let her fingertips trail gently over her forearm. “If I become Heda, I’m taking you with me to Polis.”

OWL

[Costia]

As Lexa told her to stop talking Costia momentarily obeyed, listening to her lovers words and giving the occasional wince as a twinge of pain irritated her shoulder as Lexa tended to the wound. "You may not want to talk about it, but we need to talk about it" she breathed as she wrapped a cloth around her shoulder to act as a bandage. "I could have died today, I very nearly did... You need to be prepared for when that happens, you cannot appear weak" she didn't speak these words to upset her beloved. She spoke them because she cared for her and did not want her reputation to be tainted by appearing weak in front of others, especially if she was to be the next Heda.

The moment Lexa wrapped her arms around her, her lips softly meeting her neck, Costia allowed a brief smile to grace her features. Allowing her lover to gently pull her closer to the head of the bed. Leaning against Lexa, Costia looked up to meet her gaze "how safe is safe though?" she muttered the question, a small shiver running up her spine as Lexa trailed her fingers along her forearm, her gaze lowering to watch the movement.

amber3

[Deleted]

if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you tagged Costia

“Stop it,” Lexa murmured against her shoulder as she held her close. Her brows were knitted together in focus as she watched the candles by the foot of the bed as they flickered quickly. She didn’t want to think of losing the only person she had ever loved. Even her own biological family wasn’t a part of her life. Costia was, and she was the only one in her life who wasn’t training her to become something else. She just allowed Lexa to be. There were times when Lexa wished that she and Costia were normal; perhaps scouts or even hunters. There would not be all this pressure and threat above their heads at all times. There would only be soft moments like these, and they wouldn’t be ruined by Costia’s speculations.

Lexa rested her forhead against Costia’s good shoulder and inhaled slowly as she tried to think of an answer for her. How safe was safe... “We are safe.” She said firmly, her fingers moving so they could rest on her wrists. She trialed them along her pale skin softly and smiled some. “So stop thinking about the future in such a dim light... Think about Polis... You’ll love it there, Costia... Really.” Even Lexa missed the capital. She couldn’t wait to share it with her. “I won’t lose you. You’re too good of a fighter and I’m too stubborn to lose you.”

OWL

[Costia]

"I'm sorry" Costia mumbled, she could tell that Lexa didn't like the topic "You know that I don't mean to upset you" she breathed, closing her eyes she managed a small smile, she treasured moments like these, where she could just spend time with Lexa without any interruptions. Anya and Gustus would be busy for a while tending to the wounded and maybe even thinking about launching a counter attack on Azgeda for what they did today. Of course usually Costia didn't speak of the darker things that plagued her mind, she didn't wish to worry Lexa with them, to upset her with her negative thoughts, but they were always there. "Maybe tomorrow you can help me adjust to using my other arm, I can't do much with my sword arm whilst it's healing, it's frustrating" she muttered, it was a weak attempt at changing the topic, to occupy Lexa's mind with something else other than the morbid thoughts Costia had planted in her mind.

She sat up, turning her head to face Lexa, her own smile broadening as she noticed the one on Lexa's face. Her smile was so beautiful, so perfect and yet Costia rarely saw it. "The way you speak of Polis, it just sounds so different from Tondc..." she spoke with a wary tone. The idea of Polis fascinated her, she had never been of course, her job was to remain in Tondc and protect the villagers there. She loved her life in Tondc, the villagers were like an extended family to her, it was dangerous, Azgeda was a constant threat, as was the mountain and of course the natural predators of the world that would sometimes take a chance if they were particularly hungry. However Costia loved the thrill that village life gave her, to walk out in to the forest early in the morning and hear all the sounds of the forest. To never know what's going to happen the next day, the not knowing was what made it so appealing, one day was never the same as the next. Polis sounded so safe, so predictable. However, if it was where Lexa was going then Costia would of course follow. She'd follow her anywhere. 

As Lexa spoke about how she wouldn't lose her and commented on Costia's talent as a warrior the girl couldn't help but chuckle, She found the sentence amusing and thought that Lexa couldn't be that naïve. If that is what she wanted to believe, to give her peace of mind then she would allow her to believe it. "I love you" she muttered, raising her hand she brought it up to stroke her face, "you should smile more... It suits you" she told her, looking into her lovers eyes as she studied her. She could look at her for hours, she'd never get tired of being near her, of the closeness that they shared, it wasn't  possible.

amber3  

[Deleted]

if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you tagged Costia

“I know you don’t,” Lexa said softly as her fingers trailed over Costia’s arm affectionately. The warm tent and candlelight made it hard to stay worried for long. Here they were alone and away from any judgment. There were no counselors speaking in Lexa’s ear about how Costia was a liability… They just didn’t see her as Lexa did. Costia was strong and capable. She was not a liability to Lexa… “By the time we’re done you will be able to duel wield… You’ll be unstoppable,” she said fondly. “We’ll practice till nightfall if we must.” The idea of taking a day away from her own training to spend with Costia was a nice thought, and she hoped that she would be able to. Of course, Anya’s word was law. If she needed Lexa, she couldn’t question it.

When she mentioned Polis Lexa smiled and tilted her head in thought. True, Polis was a different place entirely. Similar to a Sankru city, only larger. The tower was of course Lexa’s favorite place to be… She could look out from the balcony and feel just as free as her spirit craved. “It is,” she said lightly with a soft grin. “Someday you will see it, whether I become commander or not.” And then, Costia raised her hand to run her fingers along Lexa’s cheek… those three words always seemed to draw a genuine smile from her… She couldn’t help it. “I love you too,” she said softly as she leaned in to kiss her tenderly. It was soft and gentle—so unlike Lexa… There were so many emotions flooding the young second. Love, dread for the future, but a feeling of contentment… she could lay here for hours. “I smile enough,” she said gently in an almost teasing way. “Just as much as you.”

OWL

[Costia]

"It would be nice... To spend a whole day with you" Costia sighed, but it was a sigh of contentment, she was truly happy when she was in Lexa's arms. Most of the time the couple had their own duties occupying their minds, Lexa's duty as a nightblood, Costia's as a young warrior for her clan.  The idea of training all day didn't worry her, grounder training was brutal, often she'd sparred with the other seconds and although they were not allowed to kill, it could get brutal enough, there was no equipment to train, they used real weapons and you had to be in complete control if you wanted to avoid seriously wounding your opponent or yourself. "Will I be even better than you?" Costia asked her teasingly, a smirk on her face. She'd seen Lexa fight, it was incredible how talented she was and Costia was happy that she'd never be on the receiving end of her sword.

Costia smiled at her words "As long as you are by my side I do not care where we go Lexa" she told her, her words genuine, they could go live in the dead zone for all that she cared as long as she had Lexa for company. "But Lexa... Do you want to become Heda?" she suddenly asked one of the many questions that floundered around in her mind. She'd never asked it before because with Lexa being a nightblood, the thought of her becoming the next commander just seemed so natural. However, nobody ever asked if it was what she wanted, even if she had no choice.

As Lexa kissed her, Costia briefly leaned into the kiss, this was a side of Lexa that was only reserved for her. Here they were not duty bound, they were not two warriors who'd been trained all their lives for war. They were just two girls, two normal girls whose love for each other could go unchallenged. As Lexa pulled away from the kiss and spoke about her smile, Costia couldn't help but shake her head "I watch you when you're out there, you smile, but not like you do when you're in here with me" she told her with a sigh. "I don't know, you seem to be under so much pressure" it was true that Lexa barely had any free time, Anya was strict with her training and Costia knew that this was necessary, because of Lexa's extra responsibility of being a Nightblood, but she didn't like it, she wished that Lexa could just be left alone like the other seconds.

amber3

[Deleted]

if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you tagged Costia

“It would be,” she agreed quietly as her fingers trailed along her arm rhythmically. Lexa’s chin rested softly on her shoulder. She didn’t mind the locks of brown hair in her face or even the awkward position as long as it meant that she could hold Costia. She’d been so scared. She really should have known better... Her paramour was strong and sharp as any dagger. There was no way a measly Azgeda scouting team could kill her. Still it had been so close. Lexa let out a soft chuckle. “I’m trained by nightblood trainers... I’ve been training since I was old enough to walk... If you’re as good as I am after a day of training, I don’t know who is more impressive. You as a student or me as a teacher.” Her question though... it made Lexa frown.

“Becoming Heda is an honor,” she replied—almost stoically. Titus taught her well when it came to political questions such as this. “I could be chosen by the commander’s spirit. It means everything to me, Costia...” Lexa ran her fingers through her lover’s hair lightly, hoping the act would calm her enough so that she would stop asking such silly questions. She was under the weight of all her teachings, and if that was pressure so be it. That was her fate—her future. If she was chosen to rule.

“I don’t smile out there like I do with you because bloodshed does not give me the same pleasures as you do,” she pointed out with a small smirk. Lightly, her fingers trailed down Costia’s sides and over her thigh where she lightly squeezed her leg and kissed her neck just under her ear. “I love you more than I love fighting... more than I love serving as Anya’s second... Of course you’d think I smile differently in here with you.”

OWL

[Costia]

"You are an excellent teacher Lexa" Costia chuckled softly as she watched Lexa's hand trailing along her arm. It was a comforting motion to her, it allowed her to relax. Closing her eyes the warrior felt content to just lay there. She could feel Lexa's breath on her neck from where she was resting her chin on her shoulder, it didn't bother her, in fact it helped her to relax further, she knew that moments like these were rare and the closeness that they shared distracted her from the pain in her shoulder and the thoughts of how Trikru were going to retaliate after the attack.

"If it means that much to you Lexa, I'll avoid questioning it in future" she muttered in response to her lovers words. She just wanted Lexa to be happy and if that meant becoming Heda then she wasn't going to object. In truth she hadn't actually realised how much becoming Heda meant to Lexa, she knew that it was a great honour to be chosen for the rank but personally she hadn't known that Lexa wanted it that much or that it meant 'everything' to her. As Lexa began to run her fingers through Costia's hair, the girl let out a sigh of contentment.

As Lexa's fingers trailed down to squeeze her leg, Costia visibly stiffened as a timid smile played upon her lips "Really? Maybe I should feel honoured that I'm the only one that gets to see your smile" she muttered as she felt her lips touch her neck and her smile broadened "Of course part of me feels sorry for everybody else, your smile is so beautiful Lexa..." she told her, bringing her hand down to trail along Lexa's leg, copying her lovers movements.

amber3

[Deleted]

if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you tagged Costia

Lexa couldn’t help smiling as Costia copied her movements. Her voice was soft and even relaxing... Lexa pulled the covers over them and rested her chin against the crook of her lovers next as she watched the candles flicker erratically. “In truth, if I could chose my own destiny... It’d be here with you in TonDC.” It was the first time that she had said the words, and it wasn’t just because of her lover that she believed them. The thought made her frown as she searched for her words. “It’s an honor to be what I am, but it’s also... unfair.” Never had she been more frank—this was the first time she had truly opened up with Costia about her beliefs and it was difficult. Still, her paramour deserved to know the truth about how she felt about the one thing that may someday separate them.

“If I didn’t bleed black, I would be able to have a normal life with you. We could travel the world together; fight together, and nobody would ever try to separate us.” She scoffed sadly and ran her fingers through Costia’s curls. “I wouldn’t even need to fight—though I probably would.” Her grin at the idea of a peaceful life was coy, knowing it could never be. “It is still an honor... but Titus believes that I will be the next Heda—and I don’t know what that will change for us. It scares me.” Her tone turned flat as she watched the candles and kept her arms around Costia. Her own heart skipped a beat...

OWL

[Costia]

As Lexa pulled the covers up to cover them Costia closed her eyes, holding her breath as she heard Lexa's words. They surprised her, never before had Lexa spoken about her destiny in this way. It was what was written, there was no way to change it. They couldn't magically turn her blood from black to red and Costia hated that, she hated that Lexa's whole life was planned out for her, she didn't have a say in what she did. Costia had a choice, she could be anything she wanted to be, a scout, a warrior, she could even leave her clan and travel far away if that was what she wanted. But Lexa didn't have that choice, she had a duty to remain where she was in case she was chosen to be the next Heda. "Well, if there is anything that we've learned from life it is that life isn't fair, sometimes it can be cruel... Most of the time it is cruel" she muttered, pressing her lips softly to rest upon Lexa's arm.

"We could still have that" the warrior mumbled, her brow furrowing as if she didn't really understand why their lives had to be ruled by Lexa's rank. "But maybe I am kidding myself" letting out a sigh she took Lexa's hand, casually playing with her fingers. "All I know is that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, however long... Or short that may be" she told her as she bit her lip softly "you should not worry, if you become Heda nothing will change, people might try to separate us but they will never succeed, I'll stay by your side wherever you go" she told her stubbornly as she pushed everything from her mind, she refused to believe that they could be separated by anyone or anything, their bond was too strong "You will never have to live a day without me because I will always be right there by your side, nothing ever has to change Lexa... I don't care if you become Heda, you'll always just be Lexa to me, you'll be the same person you've always been" it was what she believed, she would never treat Lexa any differently, she'd be the same person she always had been, just with more responsibility. Things didn't have to change, she wouldn't accept that they had to change. "You don't have to be afraid of things changing, I won't allow them to change" Lexa wasn't one to ever admit to being scared, she was strong and usually supported Costia in her weaker moments, it was never the other way around.


amber3