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Before she could even fully get her guard up, all hell broke loose. She instinctively stayed low on the ground, unable to make a sound out of shock at the scene that laid out before her. It was a wolf and then another and then another, and they all went for the grounder. She’d never seen one in real life before, let alone three of them up close. Only recognising the beasts from the books they used to have on the ark. His screams were eventually what brought her out of her shocked state. Raven supposed she could leave, run in the opposite direction leaving the grounder at the mercy of the wolves. It wasn’t like she owed him anything, or even really liked him. But the thought left her mind as soon as it entered. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t just leave him to die. Finally standing up she pointed the gun in her hand at the beasts. This was no time to be paralysed in fear otherwise they would both die. But first, she had to save the grounder. Who’d have thought she’d be doing that today.

Raven pulled the trigger aiming the gun at the head of the wolf closest to the grounder with its jaw attempting to gnaw at his shoulder, instantly killing it. Turning the gun to the other one attacking him, she wounded it in the leg forcing it to limp away, while the last wolf ran in front of it, quickly fleeing the bullet Raven had ready for it. There was a moment of silence in the woods as she gladly took in a deep breath to steady her heart rate. It was still beating a mile a minute after witnessing what could have been her certain death. Finally reacting to the grounder, Raven ran towards him, kneeling down on the ground. Not so much thinking about him as a grounder but as a wounded human being.

“You’re shoulder got the worst of it,” she immediately said when she reached him, taking a quick examination of his torso. “Here,” ripping a piece of fabric from the bottom of here shirt she pressed it to the open wound, trying to slow down the bleeding. But how much help could she really be? This type of thing wasn’t exactly in her job description as a mechanic. “We have to get out of here, there’s no way those wolves just came out of nowhere. There’s something…someone out there.” It was too close to camp for the animals to attack so freely and ruthlessly. The grounder probably knew more about that than she did. What if it was other grounders who organised the attack? Or perhaps even…Reapers? They still hadn’t caught them all. Maybe she was just paranoid but it was better to be safe than sorry. “Can you walk? We have doctors in camp that can help with this.” A hell of a lot better than she ever could.

Raven felt a small stab of guilt at the sincerity of Bellamy’s words. She hadn’t meant to make him feel any worse, but it was difficult to be the comforting shoulder to cry on when she felt that pain too. When she grieved too. And besides making others feel better had never been her strong suit. Another thing Gena was definitely better at. She balanced him out, and gave him something to live for. Hell Raven had definitely seen that change in him. Mount Weather threatened to break him, break them all especially after Clarke left but it didn’t. Because of her. It gave her hope that maybe something good could blossom in this godforsaken place after all. What a silly, naïve thought to have.

"I shouldn't have loved her." His admittance and the emotion that came with it pained her. The guilt in his voice so reminiscent of the guilt growing in her own heart. He was wrong though. Even now, Raven thought him brave to seek someone out and love them and be loved by them. Bravery she didn’t possess. It’s why she pushed Wick away. Afraid her darkness would snuff out his light. But it wasn’t the same. Bellamy’s love wasn’t the reason Gena died. He couldn’t think that. She wouldn’t want him too. And since she wasn’t here to say that, Raven supposed she’d have to.

As he repeated himself, she raised a hand, wanting to help him, comfort him perhaps, but she just couldn’t. She didn't know how to be that person for him. Choosing instead to lower it on the table between them, hoping he’d understand. “It wasn’t your fault.” If anyone’s it was hers. “Gena died trying to save everyone, she made the choice to help. You don’t get to take that away from her.” Her words were hollow, lacking full sincerity. It was obvious she was saying them for his benefit. There was no doubt in the pointlessness of her death, of all their deaths in Mount Weather. But perhaps lying to him, to herself would make the pain subside. A tactic she already knew wouldn’t work. Hadn’t that been how she’d tried to move past Finn’s death? It still haunted her. A now Gena’s would to.

“And anyway,” she paused her voice heavy with unshed tears. “I’m the one that left her in that room.” So much for trying to lie and allow Gena the dignity of a meaningful death. “I should’ve…” saved her, or tried harder at least. Maybe if she’d gotten to the president’s office in time and left Sinclair to handle the assassin they would all still be alive. Even Gena. Sure the chances of that were slim but there was still a chance. More 'what if’s' to plague her at night. As if the thoughts of what she could’ve done to save Finn, and help her mother, weren’t enough. “I’m…” she wiped the tears from her eyes before they had a chance to fall. “I’m sorry,” she said looking away. Unable to make eye contact, fearing the possible and completely warranted anger or disappointment in his gaze as he probably realised the truth behind her words.

It was difficult to talk about her, especially with the pain so fresh, and especially with him. It was a raw kind of hurt, like the burn of a drink down her throat. Another thing she would always associate with Gena. At least that meant with every drink she’d always been in her thoughts. Hell it’s probably what she would have wanted, Raven thought with a small smile. Adjusting her thoughts and words to the past, to accommodate the realisation that Gena was gone made it difficult to stop the tears, but she managed it. She nodded at his offer to mix a drink in her honour, taking another silent drink from the bottle he offered her. She was going to need that liquid courage if they were going to get through this.

“We’re going to be so bad at this,” she said with a sigh standing up from the chair and slowly hobbling her way to the other side of the bar. Gena’s side. “She’d probably laugh at us.” And their pathetic attempt at mixing any sort of drink. That laugh that they would never hear again. Taking a couple bottles from the stash beneath the bar, Raven slowly set them down on the counter-top. “Here, try these.” Anything to distract them from talking about what was really hurting them. But at least neither of them were alone right now. Though the guilt at seeing his face threatened to crush her, she dreaded to think of the thoughts that would haunt her should she be left alone. Or rather the thoughts awaiting her. That familiar inevitable anger at the grounders that she’d only just barely managed to keep under control after Finn’s death was once again bubbling to the surface. And she wasn't sure if she had the strength to suppress it this time. 

Raven rushed herself through the medical check-up. There were more important matters that needed her immediate attention. And besides she was probably fine, she thought, ignoring the growing pain in her hip. As if she needed more reason to worry about that. After checking on Sinclair, and being satisfied he was fine, as fine as he could be, Raven made her way to Gena. After the blast she’d felt numb, unable to fully process what had happened, the loss that they had all suffered. But most of all the guilt of all those deaths, specifically Gena’s threatened to crush her. She couldn’t take any more pain, any more guilt on her conscience.

So when she heard her name, that she had survived, just barely, Raven had to see it for herself. She needed that visual conformation. Because they never caught a break, she never caught a break. With everyone around her always dying or leaving her, it was safe to assume that Gena was just another name added to the list of people whose blood was on her hands. But maybe, just this once, that wouldn't be the case. She pushed the thoughts of the others in Mount Weather who perished because of her failure to the back of her mind. One thing at a time.

As soon as she made it to her bed, the instant relief at seeing her face threatened to overwhelm her. She was here. Gena was really alive. And of course Bellamy was there by her side. The memory of the moment she’d told him about the blast flashed through her mind, along with thoughts of what could have been. No she couldn’t think like that. They’d finally caught a lucky break and Raven wasn’t going to jinx that with thoughts of what if. A small smile spread across her face as she slowly made her way to the other side of her bed, taking a hand in one of her own. “Gena, I thought you were...” she swallowed trying to steady her breathing. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” The girl was in pretty bad shape, but at least she was breathing. It’s all Raven could bare to focus on right now. “How is she?” She asked Bellamy, assuming he’d know more about her current state.

Tag: Bellamy Blake and Gena Martin  

Raven could hear each of her heartbeats thumping in her ear, with every second that passed, a second closer to their destruction. Her breaths slowed as she waited eagerly for Gena to answer on the radio, fearing the worst. “Listening.” Raven couldn’t even describe the relief she felt at the sound of her voice. It threatened to overwhelm her. The prospect of her death was one she never wanted to contemplate. But they weren’t out of the woods yet. Quickly Raven rushed out the numbers, relaying them to Gena, wishing this to work. As soon as the she confirmed the self-destruct sequence was disabled a smile spread across Raven’s face. The first smile she’d had since this entire ordeal began. Flashes of the crisis that they had just barely avoided flashed through her mind. This was too close.

Her relief however was short lived with Gena’s next words. Oh god. So much for avoiding the prospect of Gena’s death. No she couldn’t think like that. Raven would fix this. She would save her. “Hang in there Gena. I’m coming.” The fear of losing her friend, one of her only friends in this godforsaken place, pushed Raven up. “Send for Abby, get help,” she immediately told Sinclair who nodded, before running as fast as she could to the President’s office. There was no time now to think of anything else but getting to her in time to stop the bleeding. As soon as she arrived Raven paused for a fraction of a second taking in the scene before her. The place was a mess, showing obvious signs of a struggle, and then there she was, the girl that had saved them all, bleeding out on the floor. Raven quickly leaped into action, ripping her own shirt and using it to apply pressure to the wounds and stop the flow of blood. “You’re gonna be okay, I got you,” she quickly reassured her. “Stay with me okay? Help is on it’s way.” It had to be. Gena had to live.

It was silent. Which was to be expected at this time of night. Everyone was long gone leaving only Raven alone here with her thoughts. She slowly walked the familiar path to the makeshift bar sitting at the seat always reserved for her. That she always reserved for her. Her hip was more painful than ever lately, the added damage from the explosion not helping matters. It was why she was here at the bar. Because she had nowhere else to go. This was where she forgot about her problems, at first numbing them with drinks and then finally using companionship to help ease the pain. Gena was her friend, one of her only friends really. Since Clarke left, Raven thought she’d be left to wallow in her thoughts alone, but then she met her. And suddenly she wasn’t so alone. It became a routine, stopping by at the bar, ordering the usual, and eventually opening up.

But now that was gone. And it was all her fault. Leaning over the bar, an old rag caught her eye. Holding it in her hand, a nostalgic smile graced her lips as she remembered telling Gena it was damn biohazard. A smudge of blood reminding her of when she’d cut her hand because of a stupid bet they’d made together with Raven using it to stop the bleeding. Laughing at how silly they’d been all the way to medical. Gena’s laugh rang in her head. How long until she’d forget how that sounded? Raven tried to remember Finn’s laugh, his voice, his smile. It was all slowly fading away, just like the memories of her mom. All her fault too. There was so much blood on her hands. Groaning audibly in frustration, Raven took the first thing she could find, in this case an old glass cup, and hurled it to the ground. The sound of it smashing did little to ease her mind. Hiding her head in her arms on the counter Raven felt the tears sting her eyes as they began to fall again. Why did she destroy everything she touched?

Tag: Bellamy Blake

She gladly accepted the drink, scrunching up her face at the burning sensation it caused down her throat. But as soon as she got over that, the benefits became more apparent. Her throat soothed immediately, keeping the coughing at bay for the time being. “I’m lucky you found me. Otherwise I’d be…” Dead. Frozen to death. She would have died cold and alone with no one looking for her. Clarke needed to know how grateful she was. Her worth in that moment wasn’t lost on her. She owed Clarke her life, and not for the first time. It’s why they needed her back at camp. She was irreplaceable.

She nodded at Clarke’s reassurances but felt the unease return at the reminder of her surroundings. This was grounder territory and while she would never admit it aloud, that terrified her. Even with the fragile truce there had been losses on both sides. It was a wonder that Clarke had survived this long. A testament to her abilities. But Raven wasn’t sure if she’d be so lucky. “Do they know I’m here? They can’t be too happy about it.” What if on one of Clarke’s outings one of them got in and tried to kill her.  Ususally Raven would be able to handle herself, but she could barely sit up now much less fight. "What if they..." she paused, Raven needed to have faith in Clarke and where she placed her trust and looking around her now it didn’t seem like she had any other choice.