I can't lose you

[Clarke Griffin]

“You’re asking me that?” Interesting choice of person to ask that. She didn’t know anything else so far. He could probably trace her every step back to what she had done at every point after he woke up after fainting the day before. So she really didn’t know much more. “When you were out they settled Raven and Harper. Harper was a bit worse for wear, but she’ll make it. They cleaned her wound and she punched someone trying to help. Raven has… well support of a very romantic kind, I think. The others had surrounded Jasper and give him moral support. But…. I don’t have any new information. Bellamy. When we fought, I sat out there the entire time. Oh and my mother is obviously recovering as well!” Now that much they had figured out last night. 

“Okay.” Clarke reached for her shirt to pull it up, but she stopped before she reached her bra. Not a chance in hell she’d undress before him now. Plenty of time to do so later, but she prayed to see more of that smile, needed it like air if she wanted to actually heal from what happened. And smiles and laughter could not hurt him. “Later. First eat.” And she would eat as well. It was kind of a two way deal, wasn’t it? “How are you feeling now, Bell? Any better from last night?”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He listened to her explain how the others were doing, and was relieved to hear that they were doing alright . . . well, as alright as could be expected. He especially felt bad for Raven; poor woman got shot, had surgery, lost Finn, got cut in the village, and now this. "Sounds like Harper," he said with a slight smile at the punching bit. He was at least glad to hear that Raven had support, able to recognize who that was from the guy who carried her back to camp for a lot of the way. Even better that Jasper was getting moral support. Everything seemed to be settling pretty well and he hoped that soon, he would be able to see it for himself.

"Those were the main people," he said, three for more physical wounds and Jasper for . . . the emotional wound that would probably take longer to heal than the others. "Your mom is hardcore. Going through that and bouncing right back." It was a compliment toward her. He always knew Abby was tough, though part of his words were a bit teasing to Clarke's last statement about how her mother was obviously recovering well. He looked at her intently, wondering if she was actually going to do it. He subconsciously licked his lips as he watched her about to . . . but then seemed to change her mind which, left Bellamy rather disappointed. He knew he shouldn't feel that way, or feeling any of this stuff for Clarke, but he couldn't help it. He looked at her with an unamused expression.

"Way to be a tease," he said with a playful accusatory tone. He was indeed enjoying this kind of dynamic, relieved that it could exist and that what happened, hadn't fully taken away their humanity from them. He took another bite of food as she asked him if he was feeling better. "Much," he answered truthfully. Compared to yesterday, he was feeling a hell of a lot better. "Thanks to you," he added on, realizing that he had finished the entirety of his meal. "Are you feeling any better?" He questioned. Her wounds were of a physical nature, but, they were there, and like Jasper's though more extensive . . . it would take longer for them to heal.

[Clarke Griffin]

“To be fair she mainly lay there and let him do the work. And it’s technically good for healing, the endorphins and all that.” Hell it wouldn’t be bad for him either. That thought alone made her actually consider it. If it would help and, well… Nope it was out of question for now, or was it? Maybe, she’d keep it in mind. With their luck someone else would walk in on them then. Okay, that thought had to be put away, far away. It was so far from being a safe thought in this situation. She already agreed to stripping for him! Damn it. 

Clarke didn’t feel like she had done enough to help him. He had comforted her, held her through the night, he had done a lot for her, more than he would probably ever take credit for. He even made her eat like that, despite still feeling the pain in the pit of her stomach over how their friends had just treated her. But better her than Bellamy. He physically protected them the entire time. He deserved to be treated nicely. Better her than him. She had to keep that in mind.

“Physically? Yes. The wonders a bit of rest and food can do.” Mentally probably a lot worse. Her body too needed a bit of more recovery, but he had it worse. Once she finished her own food, she took the trays to put them onto the small table they had in their spacey tent. They should make it a bit homely, more theirs if they wanted to stay here for a while. “Now… did I snore?”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He made a face as Clarke spoke of how Jackson had done most of the work. "Well thanks for that mental image," he said sarcastically . . . not that he was actually grateful for it. The thought of that sort of thing helping . . . well, his mind went to whether it would actually help him. Almost teasingly suggesting it but managed to catch himself before anything slipped out. He couldn't cross that line with Clarke, he knew that. Whatever he felt for her, wasn't necessarily mutual and it was too much of a risk. Besides, she was already going through much. This was the last thing she needed.

"Though in that case, hopefully her and Raven will have a speedy recovery," he pointed out. Who knows, maybe Harper would too. He was glad to hear that at least physically Clarke was doing better. That was the first step he supposed. "Good. Glad to hear it." And she was even eating, they both were. Her next question made him smile with amusement at the thought of her snoring. "You know you did," he retorted. "Lucky for you, your company was worth it. So you can relax cause I don't have any plans of kicking you out," he said with the utmost teasing and jest. The only reason he had a semblance of peace at night was because she was near him; because she had allowed him to hold her. It had given him a serenity he never thought possible. But telling that to her was more difficult. He couldn't say it without admitting how he felt about her . . . which again, couldn't happen. Not right now, if ever.

[Clarke Griffin]

“I did not!” Oh god, really? Was she really snoring? What had nobody told her that before. Back on the Ark she could have had something done about it, but no people just hadn’t told her she was actually snoring and now she was in a bit of denial about it, because she hadn’t have a clue about it. Bellamy, though, was always honest with her. She had no reason not to believe him. She was snoring! For real? It couldn’t. “I don’t believe you, Bellamy!” With anyone else she couldn’t have been like that. Only he could push her buttons like that and get away with it, for many reasons, one being his sincerity. 

Clarke was just about to say something, when she felt her stomach turn a little, threatening her to maybe throw up. She decided to take the hint her body was giving her. She moved back under the blanket, looking up at him. Was it her or was he still really pale. “Come, lie back and rest a little more with me, Bellamy. The IV will do the work without you paying attention to it.” She would still do so and exchange it later. With this attached nobody would ask him to leave, probably, seeing the need for him to recover that Clarke saw as well. 

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He chuckled at how adament she was that she didn't snore. He quite enjoyed teasing her, aware that they didn't usually get the opportunity to do so. With something always happening, there was hardly time for humor. "Well the only other possibility is that you were fake snoring, and I can't imagine you would ever do such a thing," he said in an exaggerated tone. He was referring to when she had purposely snored . . . a couple of times. He had of course known then that she'd been awake and was just being funny. He watched her get under the blankets, quite happy for it. Because it meant she was getting more rest.

She had sold him on the option as soon as she told him to rest with her . . . it made the thought all the more tempting. He lay back on the bed, turning his head to look at her. "This feels good." Not just resting . . . but resting with her. Having some time alone with her, even though he wasn't doing anything about it. He closed his eyes, basking in the relaxation that was taking over his body. Was that it? Relaxation? He wasn't sure. Whatever it, it was making him rest. "You were so right Clarke. I needed this. We both did." Just allowing time for themselves, without worrying about everyone else all the time. Perhaps it was selfish . . . but no. The way she had said, made sense. And he didn't feel like it was wrong of him to be resting, especially if it ensured she was too.

[Clarke Griffin]

This idiot! Clarke found herself thinking this one thing quite often it appeared, but she didn’t regret it. Why should she? He was an idiot, but a good one. He proved it just then, lightly teasing her to keep the spirits up, just like she had done when she pretended to snore just to make him smile. And she’d do it over and over again. She’d do a lot again just to see him lie down like that and relax. To hear him say it felt good when she knew it was his body needing this to fix itself, just like hers. Then, with an intact body, maybe they could fix each others mind. Clarke reached out for his hand again, the one not pierced by a needle of course. 

“I can be right sometimes. Especially about something like that.” Because she knew what she was doing there. She learned it. This was something that worked without thinking, taking care of people, seeing they needed rest. And to wish for Bellamy to rest was just as natural to her now as anything else. He had been there for her when she needed him. In his eyes she never seemed to be not good enough. With him it seemed like someone understood her struggles and appreciated them as they were: Her trying to do her best, whatever that was, with whatever consequences. “You look younger when you sleep, Bellamy. Years younger. Peaceful.” When he slept, not when he was unconscious, though. That was a sight she hated.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

The moment got even better when he felt the comfort of her hand. He wrapped his own around hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. The gesture was so casual, so comfortable, that he felt the need to keep reminding himself that they weren't actually together in that way. That she was not his, even though he felt in his heart that he was hers . . . as he did not have the same feelings for anyone else. She then spoke of how she was right sometimes, especially about this. "Don't let it go to your head," he said teasingly, a grin to match on his lips. Truth was, he knew she would be right, she was about many things. Otherwise, he would never have trusted her or valued her as a co leader -- even though he valued her as so much more than that now.

She then told him something that slightly surprised him . . . that he looked younger when he slept, and more peaceful. He knew that he was older than the 100 that were sent down, since he hadn't been an underaged prisoner on the Ark. But he knew that wasn't exactly what she meant. "I take it that's a good thing considering I'm older?" He asked a bit jokingly. This place had aged them, in more ways than it should have. Hell, it turned Charlotte -- a kid -- into a murderer and then someone who took her own life. "I'm pretty sure the peaceful part was all thanks to you," he addded on, giving credit where it was due. He didn't always have a peaceful sleep. It was usually filled with nightmares and the terrors of his past actions and poor decisions he'd made. "This place aged us in ways I never thought it would," he vocalized his earlier thoughts. Not wanting to drag the mood down, he pushed them aside and offered another teasing remark. "I mean, you look at least twenty now I'd say," he smirked.

[Clarke Griffin]

Clarkes face remained full of concentration as she pondered his words. She never cared about the age difference between them, though he was actually at least five years older than her. His words reminded her of something. Slowly she went through the days in her head. It’s been so long, but yet not even two months. Still it meant she was no longer underage. She missed her own birthday, something that would have never happened on the Ark. They would have celebrated. They would have had a grand party with cake. Down here she spent her birthday tied up, covered in mud, hoping to see her friends and this jerk again, while actually thinking they were dead. 

“I’m 18.” She whispered to him. “I actually turned 18 down here.” And she had been all by herself. Her mother had probably forgotten as well. This was weird. This was her turning 18 and no one had really noticed. “I spent my birthday running from Mount Weather.” And surviving. “So I think I get to be looking older than I am, I think. At least…. Well, there could be worse. I could be dead right now.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She mentioned that she was 18 and . . . wait, that meant that she turned 18 down here? She elaborated, explaining that her birthday was spent running from Mount Weather. Bellamy had no way of knowing when her birthday was, but it still made him feel bad. That the milestone of turning 18 was ignored due to all the other chaos and dangers they had to endure. His mind went to their truth or dare game, as he had been silently planning to ask her mother when her birthday was. But it seemed he had missed that opportunity. Still. He wanted to do something for her.

His mind was already going to work at possibilities but for right now . . . at least he had some idea as to when it was. She was right. She could have been dead. It could have been the last birthday she celebrated, but he was going to see to it that she had many more. That they would all still be around to celebrate her birthday the next year. "Hey," he began to say, looking intently at her. His words were filled with a strong sincerity, spoken softly -- or as soft as voice he could use in his natural deep tone.

He brought her hand to his lips, kissing the back of her hand as he spoken his next words in the same voice. "Happy belated birthday." Because that was all he could offer her right now. The opportunity to celebrate was gone, but that didn't mean he wanted to dismiss it entirely. What reasons they could find to celebrate, would be good. Would help with the morale. Would show that they were a society, trying to build themselves and celebrate the good stuff together . . . not just endure the bad.

[Clarke Griffin]

Clarke found herself blushing as he brought her hand to his lips to kiss the back of it. She didn’t expect such a sweet, soft and kind gesture from him. Physical contact and kindness was rare here and this was adorable and sweet. She wanted to treasure this moment for as long as it lasted. Maybe they’d have even more of those. The day before she would have thought she’d never get that again. The day before she was convinced she would be alone, apart from them all for good. She was convinced she needed to really leave after all. 

“Thank you, Bellamy.” In all honesty that was perhaps the nicest birthday wish she had ever gotten, because from him it meant something. He knew what she had done to survive this long. Clarke moved forward to kiss his cheek gently at that moment. This was all she’d have from her birthday, but that was okay. “Shall I get us our lunch later?” While she didn’t want to go out, she’d do it so he could stay there and rest and of course let another bag run. Anything so he’d get better as soon as Possible. If he let her, she would even give him blood.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He gave a small thank you at her sincere thank you, though still wished they could have done more to celebrate. She deserved that at the very least. Her lips on his cheek for the brief moment it was there, left quite the sensation. Those familiar emotions that coursed through him. That temptation to have turned his head so that their lips would meet, rather than just the skin of his cheek. "If I say it again, will I get one on the other cheek?" He asked jokingly. He could never get enough of her physical expressions of . . . friendship. Yes. He supposed that was what it was at the very least.

And he wasn't about to risk finding out whether what he felt for her was mutual. She asked if she should get lunch later. "I'm alright for now," he told her. "I think I ate too much," he said with a bit of a smile. His stomach wasn't feeling too great right now. It was unsettled, and he knew it wasn't any sensitivity due to the medicine. But perhaps it was just having proper food in his system after so long. It wasn't enough to cause alarm. "Might just try to sleep it off," he said, his eyes closing, though he was still mostly awake. He wanted to stay as awake so that he could spend more time with her . . . but it was getting increasingly difficult.

[Clarke Griffin]

“Maybe you’ll get one later. Don’t get too greedy.” She had to make a mental note to that as well. Stripping, cheek kiss. She owed him quite a lot now. But for now all he needed to do was rest and get better. To her surprise he spoke of having eaten too much. She couldn’t see it, he had gotten a normal breakfast from Monty. Then again he probably had no food at all in Mount Weather. His body had to get used to proper rations of food again and might act up on it accordingly right now. It would settle down, but knowing this she knew to watch him for it. If in doubt she needed to find something his stomach agreed to more. Soup. A bit of soup might be perfect for his lunch.

“Yes, sleep. Sleep is the best idea.” It would allow his body to concentrate on healing, he could catch up on rest he was lacking. Clarke felt herself sigh gratefully that he so easily seemed to accept sleep as something he could do right now, as long as nobody was coming in, needing either of them. He deserved it. Gently she placed her hand on his chest, wanting him to feel her close, so he knew she’d not move, she’d be there for him, even when he was sleeping. She wasn’t about to run away, not again.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He made a playful disappointed face when she told him not to get too greedy, which was soon after replaced with a smile. "Can't help it," he told her. It was . . . Clarke after all. Though he knew his desire for a kiss on the cheek was for reasons beyond what a friendship should entail, even if he could play it off as that. At least this kiss was not done in parting, unlike the one at the camp gates. "Yeah, that's true," he said a bit hazily, as he felt himself drifting into a sleep.

With his eyes closed, he felt her hand on his chest and it provided unimaginable comfort and ease, allowing him to sleep far more peacefully with her touch, knowing she was near. He moved his hand on top of hers, as if to hold her in place. A silent indication of how he wanted her -- needed her -- near. It wasn't long until his breathing steadied and he fell into a sleep. He wasn't sure how long he was out for but his awakening wasn't entirely a pleasant one. He felt like he was going to be sick. He opened his eyes, feeling groggy and uncomfortable. He noticed Clarke was still nearby as he attempted to sit up, his head feeling heavier than usual. "What time is it?" He asked, his voice sounding as groggy as he felt. He was slightly disoriented, but not alarmingly so. The fact that she was nearby made him feel at ease, though he was shifting around, trying to move upright and hoping that would help him feel better.

[Clarke Griffin]

He was falling asleep, Clarke watched him. She didn’t move for a long time, enjoying the innocent intimacy between them just through how their hands lay. It was beautiful, more than she ever imagined having like that. Clarke managed to nap a little like that, yet not for long, before Jackson came in. He checked both of their vitals, but never mentioned the previous night. It was okay for now, though he noted that both of them needed more rest, officially stating neither of them should work that day, especially not Bellamy. Clarke herself felt how his pulse was still slightly weaker than she was used to – when had she gotten used to his pulse like that?

Jackson had given her a sketchpad and charcoal pens when he brought lunch for them later and another bag which she immediately attached to his iv. The longer he slept, the more she worried. It couldn’t be normal, right? Yet when she actually left to ask Jackson about it, he said it was okay, it could just be his body needing more rest. In the evening he finally woke up. By then she had already gotten dinner for the both of them. She was just drawing him actually when she heard him wake. He didn’t look or sound good, as if he was getting worse instead of better, but it made no sense.

“It’s evening, Bellamy. How are you feeling?” Clarke immediately let go of the sketchpad, placing it on the bed, not caring that he might see she had been sketching him. She wanted to reach out to help him sit up. “What’s wrong?”

Bellamy Blake