Broken

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Things were starting to fall into routine. Those from Mount Weather were healing -- physically more than emotionally and mentally. Bellamy's wounds went beyond anything physical. It was his and Clarke's actions of that day that haunted them, but alas, they were moving forward. They had to, for the sake of the others. Clarke was working on maintaining peace between the Grounders, so she tended to move back and forth between the two groups. They regarded her as a God for how she had defeated the Mountain Men.

It gave her a power over them, an authority . . . though Lexa remained the ultimate one. So when Clarke informed Bellamy that she was going to see the Commander, he wasn't about to let her go alone. He accompanied her for the journey, as she was in Tondc, and fortunately it was not a trip that was dragged out too long. Just a couple of days before they could return back home. On the way back, Bellamy felt something in the pit of his stomach.

Something he couldn't explain. It made him uncharacteristically quiet on the trip back, and highly distracted. He felt the strange urge to hug his sister, and it made his steps to Camp Jaha hurried, not wanting to waste a second. No. He couldn't explain it but it was unsettling, and he wanted to get rid of it. Once the gates came into view, they were immediately opened as they were seen by the guards and Clarke and Bellamy stepped inside. He could feel it. A change in the air. A strange sort of, tension dare he say. Was that even the word for it? He wasn't entirely sure.

He just knew that something didn't feel right, and it made that unsettling feeling in his gut, intensify. It was Marcus and Abby who approached them, their expressions solemn. Something had happened, Bellamy could instantly tell. He didn't need to ask, despite the agonizing silence that fell between the small group of people. Bellamy could feel other people's eyes on him, but his were locked on Kane, trying to understand what he saw behind his expression.

He started to speak, and Bellamy's mind attempted to process the words. "Bellamy, something happened." Another pause. Bellamy needed him to hurry up and tell him. "It's Octavia. She was attacked." No. Not his baby sister. Damn it! He knew she could take care of himself, but he couldn't help but feel protective over her. He needed to hold her and say that he was glad she was ok, but to be more careful next time. But Bellamy didn't move.

Something kept him grounded there. Perhaps it was the way Kane was still looking at him. Or the way he placed a hand on Bellamy's shoulder. What the hell was this? What was going on? For the first time since Kane came into his presence, Bellamy tore his gaze away when he saw Lincoln emerge from medical. There was something on his face. An expression of pain that Bellamy had never seen before. Marcus continued speaking, which only made Bellamy look back at the older male.

"I'm so sorry." Sorry? Why the hell was he sorry? He noticed from the corner of his eye that Abby looked as if she was going to cry. What was happening here? Bellamy couldn't find the words to say. He just pulled away from Kane's touch and marched over to medical, pushing his way through Lincoln. That was when he saw her. Octavia. Lying on the ground, a while cloth covering all but her face. Her lifeless, still face. Bellamy could do nothing in that moment, but just stare.

[Clarke Griffin]

Never spending too much time at the Camp or at the Grounder settlements was the perfect solution for Clarke. She still couldn’t really deal with being around her people for too long, nor with being around the Grounders for too long. One culture condemned her for the choice she was forced to made, the other worshiped her for the very same one. Both were extremes. Only the leaders of the cultures saw more of what she really did, of what they were forced to do. Clarke took the responsibility in front of the Grounders alone, not wanting to subject Monty or Bellamy to the pain of hearing your misdeeds glorified.

Clarke was glad not to have to walk back alone. While the peace remained with the Grounders and they had offered even the rogue groups help, she still didn’t feel all too comfortable in the wild. There could be animals out there, like the gorilla and of course the panthers. Clarke always felt more comfortable if it was two and the most comfortable with Bellamy close by. 

As they entered the camp, even Clarke felt it, saw it even. Something was different. Something happened. People were looking at them. While she was used to disapproving looks, they now saw right through her, straight at Bellamy, with something akin to pity and pain in their eyes. Whatever had changed had to do with him. She reached for his arm instinctively, fingers wrapping around his wrist, as if to feel his pulse, but really holding him, wanting him to feel her warmth so he knew she was there for him, whatever it would turn out to be. Her believe was supported by her mother and Kane approaching them – not them, him. For her, it was her mothers look that gave it al away. She held his wrist just a little tighter, hoping it would make it easier. Maybe it was because she was thinking a bit clearer, maybe it was not the case. But the way her mother looked, their words, it was obvious to her. She didn’t even have to look at Lincoln to know. Octavia was gone.

“Can we see her?” She wouldn’t leave him alone with this. “Or…” Clarkes mother shook her head. “She looks bad, Clarke. It might not be the best idea.” Clarke turned to Bellamy, wanting to take both his hands into hers, but he was too fast, pushing past her, Marcus and her mother, straight to medical. That answered the question in her head, though for her there was no question anymore. She just sprinted after him, needing to be there for him, should he need her. The sight of her was bad, though. Clarke had seen a lot of bodies by now, but rarely did one effect her like this. She didn't know what to do. Her focus had to be on Bellamy, but damn, to know Octavia, lively, happy Octavia, the girl that chased butterflies was dead, hurt. And they never got to make up. But at the very least she could be there for her brother. Though she didn't know how much touch he could take right now. He was normally quite the touchy person, but now? She just didn't know. Clarke placed her hand softly just above his hip, staying far enough away, that it would be easy for him to reject the touch or to reach out and pull her close. Whatever the hell he needed.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy couldn't feel anything. Not the pain of what he was saying. Not the touch of Clarke's hand. He felt numb. A numbness that consumed his entire body. He wasn't even sure that he was breathing. Was he even still alive? Because he didn't feel any life within him. All he could do was stare at the body. Since she was born, Octavia had been the center of his world. The focus of his universe. And now . . . here she was. Lying there. Cold. Lifeless. Dead. But no. She couldn't be dead. Not Octavia Blake. Not his sister. After losing their mother, he had vowed to always protect Octavia. Surely, he would not fail in this was well. He didn't know how he managed but his feet started to move forward, toward her, until he was standing right next to the body, peering over her.

His hand reached out to touch her shoulder, but he paused midway, as if afraid to do so. He was never afraid to touch his sister, to offer her comfort when needed. "O?" He asked, his voice far more helpless than it had ever been. He didn't even care if it sounded weak right now. She would wake up, wouldn't she? She would open her eyes and refer to him as big brother, telling him the words that he so often told her. "I won't let anything bad happen to you, I promise." But he had. He had failed her. The lack of logical thought and rationality prompted him to say these words. For they were all he could say. "My sister, my responsibility." Words yet again that played a chorus over and over in his mind since she was born. But ones to be said no more. She was gone. He knew it, but he couldn't accept it. He couldn't even bring himself to emotionally react. He just stared down at the body, finally understanding what it was to feel ones heart break.

[Clarke Griffin]

Tears burned in her eyes. How could they not? He had once entrusted Octavias life into Clarkes hand and she had failed him. He had forgiven her, had accepted that this was not all her doing, even though he had been disappointed in her, rightfully so. Once it would have been her responsibility. Once he could turn and lash out at her, get it out of him for now, get a semblance of a healthy reaction, but everyone was different and right now Clarke felt so very helpless with this all. This was her best friend, who watched his baby sisters body, who spoke to her as if she was still alive. How could she stop it? If that was what he needed, who was she to try and tell him anything else. Clarke moved her hand from his hip up to his back. She wondered if it was purely her need to show him support or if she herself needed the touch. Even though Octavia practically hated her, Clarke still cared, still considered her a friend, still would have fought every grounder and death itself to protect her, not just because Bellamy once entrusted her with Os life, but because she cared.

Her own answer came as the tears overwhelmed her. When she left, she didn’t think she’d not see Octavia alive again, otherwise she would have done things differently. She would have forced Octavia to accept a hug, told her how she cared and would always care for her, would have said goodbye. Now she died while they were so much at odds with the other. It hurt so much. She would have wanted Octavia to go in peace, but her body was a map of how it was not the case. Part of her didn’t know what to do while the other just wanted to be there for Bellamy.

“Bell… do you want me to leave you alone for a bit?”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He knew that Clarke was speaking but he could barley process the words. Yes. No. He didn't know. Nothing seemed to matter in this moment. His entire purpose in life was gone. One objective. One responsibility. And he had failed at it. Utterly failed. Because the person who had been the center of his universe for the longest time, now lay lifeless before him. He had sworn to protect her. But he had failed her. He didn't know what to do. How did he carry on? He did he even want to? He had thought that Mount Weather had destroyed him. But he was wrong. This. This had destroyed him.

The determining factor to his agreement of pulling that lever was the fact that Octavia's life was in danger. He had seen his sister on the monitor and that was it. He couldn't even risk the possibility of her death. He would kill 300 people, and 300 more if it meant she was safe. But now, everything was irrelevant. She was dead. He had killed her. "Wake me up." He didn't even intend to say the words. He was pleading, begging for someone, anyone to wake him up from this nightmare. It would not be the first nightmare he suffered since Mount Weather.

Hell, since arriving on Earth. But it was the one that felt most real. Please, let this be a dream. A horrible dream. He would wake up and see his sister. He would see her smiling with Lincoln, clad in her grounder attire. She would be happy with the man she loved. Yes. That was what he wanted to see. He needed Clarke to wake him up. He needed her to pull him from this horrible sequence. He closed his eyes, trying to focus on breathing. "Please wake me up." His voice defeated, practically pitiful. He was begging for any sort of release to this pain. God, someone give him release.

[Clarke Griffin]

Wake him up. She understood the desire to be woken up from this nightmare. Clarke nodded to someone, to cover Octavias body, as she went around Bellamy. She placed her hands on his upper arms, hoping he would look at her long enough to register. She felt for him. Octavia was the most important person in his life, he all but lived for his little sister and now she was gone. There was someone else, who lost that day. Part of her felt it should have been the other way around, it would have been easier to deal with, but it was not fair at all. Instead she made Bellamy look at her.

“Look at me, Bellamy. Let’s go outside.”

Clarke was gentle as she guided him outside of the tent, with slight force and power, so he would move with her as long as he had his eyes focused on her. This would be a fight, she knew. They would struggle to get things done, would struggle to cope, but she would be there for him. She would try to, at least. Every step of the way. Clarke stopped once outside. “I wish I could wake you, Bellam. I wish I could take this pain away from you.” But she didn’t know how. She didn’t know what to say. “I wish I could just wake you up, Bellamy. I’m so sorry.” Somehow she felt like she had to apologize even though she hadn’t done anything.

Bellamy Blake