Chip On His Shoulder

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It was like going into a nightmare, even though Zoran was waking up. Every part of his body ached and he collapsed to the ground, his legs unable to hold him up. It felt like he had run through the Dead Zone during a sandstorm without enough fabric to cover all of his skin. The physical pain was hardly comparable to everything else, however, and Zoran found tears running down his face before he even really processed what was happening -- in his mind or in his body. Memories flooded into his mind, dragging him into a state where he wasn't sure he could breath. Harsh nights in the desert. Being attacked by strangers. The pain of never having a friend. And then there were the things he had done. Why had he done them? What had he been thinking?

Zoran had done many things in his life, things that had caused him to cringe away from himself like robbing dead bodies half covered in sand, but nothing had been this bad. "Nomon!" Zoran cried out, his voice hardly audible. Mother! He couldn't remember the last time that he had drank water but he knew it had been too long ago. His throat stung with the effort of speaking and he held no idea where he was. The memories were still flooding into his mind, making it difficult to pay attention to his surroundings, to work out where he might be. Zoran was usually good at that, years of navigating the Dead Zone under his belt, but his eyes couldn't seem to focus.

When his eyes did focus on his surroundings, it was only that the last of his missing memories was returned. A sob drowned out all other sounds, then another. Zoran curled up on the ground, feeling his body shake as he cried. He knew right then that his cry for his mother would not come with any answer. Not unless he was dead. But death would bring peace and the absence of pain, that was anything but what Zoran was feeling in that moment. His mother would be feeling that peace... yet Zoran couldn't feel happy. How could he feel happy? All he wanted was for her to be there with him. He missed her embrace and he knew he would never feel it again. 

And it was all his fault.

Tag: Bellamy Blake