Har and the Jar (Full of Moonshine)

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Jasper was still looking over at Harper, and even drunk he could still read her body language. The way she didn't look at him, the shrugs. She didn't want to talk about being drilled. Jasper understood that. He didn't want to talk about his pain either. He didn't want to think about it either, hence the alcohol. When Harper asked him about how he was getting it, Jasper decided to stop studying her. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the tree again.

"I have my ways," he said. Some of the alcohol he'd just asked for. Some of it was stolen. They weren't really rationing it strictly. "Mostly, I just ask," he said. After a moment, he looked back over at her, frowning. "Don't get any ideas, by the way," he added. He didn't want Harper to go tell the Bellamy's bartender girlfriend to cut him off. "I can make my own if I have to." Of course that would also require stealing. But he'd made hooch a couple times on the Ark, before he and Monty discovered weed, and he could do it again.

God, what he wouldn't give to find weed around here. He wondered vaguely if the Mountain had medical marijuana, and then barely held in a shudder at the thought of ever returning there.

Tag: @harpermcintyre

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This is my Fight Song --TAKE BACK MY LIFE SONG, PROVE I'M ALRIGHT SONG When Jasper began to answer her question, Harper noticed that he had leaned back against the tree with his eyes closed. She took that opportunity to try and put herself together again. Letting her own eyes closed as she listened to Jasper's words, she breathed in deeply, holding the breath in for a long moment before slowing letting it it. She could feel the tension, the discomfort and the ghost pain that came with the mention of the drilling. It was weird because one would think that even the simple mention of Mount Weather would set her off. It was the place where the horrors had happen. But for some odd reason, it didn't. It had to be more specific and Jasper's mention of her leg, asking how it was, that had been enough. The breathing was something that she had been taught by Abby and while she didn't like to admit how much she needed it, she appreciated that she had been taught it. Jasper's answer didn't surprise her too much, although she guessed it probably should have. That he managed to get all the alcohol he constantly possessed through the simple method of asking. That people continued to give the alcohol to him even after it was obvious that he was using it to be in a constant state of drunk. She wondered if anyone knew what he was doing - she couldn't quite believe that people wouldn't. She also wondered if she might be able to help Jasper by telling someone. But then, the ghost pain again throbbed in her leg and she was forced to bite her lip to get through it silently. No, there was a part of her in that moment that understood, in whatever way she could, why Jasper needed that alcohol. If alcohol could get rid of the pain whenever someone mentioned her leg, she would take it. She might have likely drank in the early days out from Mount Weather as well, if she hadn't been under watch and well cared for by Monty. She remembered the way her heart seemed to beat like the wings of a hummingbird whenever Mount Weather was mentioned, so far it felt like it was trying to fly out through her throat. "I won't do anything," Harper said, her own eyes finally opening again to see Jasper looking in her direction. She couldn't imagine it would end well for anyone in Arkadia if Jasper started making his own Moonshine. She could actually imagine it going extremely wrong. She wouldn't get in the way of his alcohol supply. She almost thought about asking Jasper where he would even get the ingredients to make his own Moonshine but decided it wasn't worth it. Especially when she caught him visibly shuddering. Harper's lips pursed together in worry and she wondered if she should get up and go sit next to Jasper. She didn't. "Are you okay? Cold?" That would explain the shudder, she decided. And it wasn't warm at all out there in the forest. Harper was thankful for her jacket but she knew that once the sun set completely that it wouldn't do enough to keep her warm. @jasper420 || Hey, we're on page 2!

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"Not cold," Jasper said. Apparently he hadn't suppressed the shudder as well as he'd thought. "Just remembering," he admitted. He knew he didn't have to elaborate on what that meant. And if he wasn't able to control his physical reactions to his thoughts, it was time to open that bottle in his back pocket. He shifted to pull it out, then turned so that his back was to the tree, stretching his legs out to relieve his knees. He took a long drink from the flask. The moonshine was warm from his body heat, but he didn't care.

After several big swallows, he held the flask out to her. "Since you insist on sitting out here with me," he said, but then pulled the bottle back a couple inches. "Only if you promise to give it back." Harper hadn't lost her soulmate. He doubted Harper's brain was broken either. But Everyone in the Mountain had something they wanted to forget.

Tag: @harpermcintyre

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This is my Fight Song --TAKE BACK MY LIFE SONG, PROVE I'M ALRIGHT SONG Harper nodded slightly at Jasper's answer, understanding what he meant. She was sure she would react quite similarly if she were thinking too much on the subject of the drilling in Mount Weather. Really, the more time she was spending out with Jasper, the less she was feeling like she needed to talk him out of his behaviours and she wasn't sure what to think of that.  Her thoughts went to Monty and really, she wasn't sure what to think when it came to him either. The two had never gotten too deep in their conversations when it came to Jasper. Yes, Jasper was Harper's friend but their friendship was nothing when it came to Jasper and Monty's. Harper tended to stay off the subject often, not wanting to intrude. She was sure, however, that Monty wouldn't want Harper encouraging Jasper's drinking. That wouldn't be the best thing for her to do. As Jasper held the flask out to her, having had already taken a drink from it, Harper hesitated. One part of her definitely wanted to drink from it. The was the ghost pain in her leg, the fact that she had been forced to think of Mount Weather and the drilling through her conversation with Jasper, as well as the general fact that she was tired and the idea of having a drink was a nice one. But then, would taking the flask from him and drinking encourage him? Make him think that Harper was completely behind him and his mission to drink himself into bliss every single day? As she looked at the flask being held out to her, she eventually took it. Stuff being a good influence, she had tried to be that since she had found him and she had spent enough time around Jasper to know he wasn't going to suddenly change his mind on something like this. "I'll give it back, don't you worry." She took a swig from the flask, feeling the warm liquid burn as it ran down her throat.  With that, she gave the flask back to Jasper and let her head lean back against the tree behind her. The burn of the alcohol was a good distraction to focus on, even if it was a short lived one. She would need a lot more of the Moonshine to have any sort of long-lived distraction. In that way, she understood why Jasper carried around so many different flasks. "I still don't agree with your drinking," she muttered before lifting her voice to a normal volume. "I think there are much healthier ways to deal with things. I could have drank, you know what I went through but I didn't." Her voice held all the seriousness she felt, and the emotions building from the whole situation only managed to break through once. There was times she wished for the simplicity of the dropship, or even the Skybox. They wouldn't be like they were if they hadn't had to go through everything: the grounders, Mount Weather, the loss. In the Skybox the worst they'd had to worry about was being floated. @jasper420 || I TYPED "HASPER" AT ONE POINT. xD

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Jasper watched as she took the flask, only taking one drink before handing it back. He was equal parts disappointed and relieved she didn't intend to get drunk with him. The relief was mostly because the less she drank, the more he had left for himself. He took the bottle back when she offered it, and took several large gulps. His body was already feeling the warmth of it. The numbness would kick in soon.

He listened as Harper admonished his choice to drink, saying that she hadn't done the same, and Jasper would never dismiss what she'd been through, but she didn't think it was comparable to what he was going through at all. But she didn't understand that something broke inside him that day in Mount Weather. Something snapped. And he didn't know if he would ever be the guy he used to be. "I can't live in this skin anymore, Harper." His eyes watered a little, but maybe he could make her understand. "But I can't tear it off, so..." He lifted the flask, shook it, and took another gulp.

Tag: @harpermcintyre

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This is my Fight Song --TAKE BACK MY LIFE SONG, PROVE I'M ALRIGHT SONG Harper watched as Jasper seemed to drink half the flask in one go and she pursed her lips together to not make a comment on it. With what she had said and how she had made Jasper feel already, she knew she needed to be more careful and pick her battles per say. She was already making another comment on his choice to drink, she didn't need to tell him off for how fast he was drinking at the same time. Maybe if he drank enough then it would be easier to get him back to Arkadia. That was still a thought on her mind, how she would get him back before the sun set. No matter the long term of the fact that he was drinking himself to death, they would both be dead a lot quicker if they could caught in the woods at night and an animal found them both. Her attention was quickly moved off of getting back to camp when Jasper spoke. It wasn't what she expected, not for him to get that deep in what he said to her. She wasn't completely sure that she could understand what he meant and because of that, she didn't rush to reply to him quickly. Her mind went to the drilling, to her darkest place, in search of anything that might help her understand what he meant and how he felt. She remembered feeling like it would be better to cut her leg off, her own hip off. Feeling like it would have been better to be anywhere else than she was, anyone else. Maybe that was how he felt, it was probably the closest she could get to understanding it.  There were tears pooling in her own eyes and she quickly blinked them away, lifting her arm to rub away any moisture with her jacket sleeve. She wasn't the one who was supposed to be emotional there, Jasper was. It was almost like she didn't have a right to be emotional with Jasper feeling like he was. "I, well... Are you just planning to drink yourself to death because of that?" While the words could sound harsh, her voice was soft and sad. She had no idea what to say, how to help him. As much as she felt like she understood him to a point, she didn't think she would ever understand how he felt. "I'm sorry about, well, everything. We-I don't want to see you drink yourself to death, Jas." @jasper420

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Jasper watched as Harper teared up, wetness running down her cheeks when she blinked, and Jasper's own tears spilled over too. He wished he had it in him to comfort her. Jasper from a month ago wouldn't be able to just watch her cry. A month ago, Jasper would have hugged her. But that Jasper was dead. He was pretty sure of it.

He hated the sadness in her voice when she asked if he was planning to drink himself to death, but now the numbness was setting in again. "Spear to the chest didn't kill me," he said. "Infection didn't. Grounders haven't. Radiation? I threw up for three days, but I'm still kicking." He held the bottle up to look at it. "I'd like to see this stuff try to kill me." He took another swig, then shoved the little bit that was left into his back pocket again. "My body is indestructible, apparently," he muttered. "Wish I could say the same for my brain."

Tag: @harpermcintyre

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This is my Fight Song --TAKE BACK MY LIFE SONG, PROVE I'M ALRIGHT SONG As Jasper gave his answer, listing off all the things that had yet to kill him, Harper moved up onto her knees and went to sit next to him. With how he was, Harper had no idea how he might react to the gesture but she felt it was something that the both needed. They both needed comfort and other people. No matter how much they hurt, how much alcohol he had, that was the default need. Her own tears spilling over and her impossibility to really understand how he felt left her with nothing to do but offer him with a little comfort. She had tried everything else she could think of. There was a pause from Harper in her actions as she waited for Jasper to put the flask into his pocket, not wanting to risk getting covered n moonshine. Finally, leaning to the side as she did, Harper wrapped her arms around Jasper in a hug. It wasn't a long embrace, just enough to show that she cared. When she let go it was from the thick stench of alcohol that seemed to radiate off of Jasper as if he were sweating it - and she wouldn't really be surprised if he was. Her nose scrunched up but she stayed sitting next to Jasper. He had been crying and the last thing she was going to do was move away too much. It was funny, considering everything they had said to each other, that she was still willing to sit there next to him and help him. He was still her friend and she wanted to protect him. At least her own tears had stopped by then, the few that had escaped her eyes earlier now smudged and drying on her cheeks. With the alcohol that Jasper had now drank and the emotion they had both been through, Harper hoped that he might react better now to a request to go home. The sun was becoming very low on the horizon line and for them to get back to camp before it was too dark, they would have to leave soon. "Think you might want to go back now?" There wasn't much strength to her voice, or much emotion. She just sounded tired and by then, that was exactly how she was feeling. A thought ran through her mind that she hadn't collected any water but she could go back to grab the container and do her job once Jasper was safe in Arkadia. She could even do it the next day, it wasn't like they were out of water yet. @jasper420

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Jasper felt a flutter of guilt as Harper moved next to him because he hadn't been able to do the same for her. He sucked in a shaky breath when she hugged him, though, his hand automatically moving to grip her arm for as long as it was there, then letting go again. Fresh tears sprung to his eyes at the embrace, and he clamped his eyes shut and lowered his head, even though the tears spilled out anyway. He'd been pushing everyone away, and for good reason, and as much as he felt like the old him was dead, there was still a fundamental part of him that needed affection. Comfort. Harper was trying to give him that, and he didn't deserve it.

He registered her question, but didn't answer for a long moment. What was the point in going back to camp? Then again, what was the point of staying out here? Nothing really mattered to Jasper right now, but Harper wouldn't leave him. He should go back so that she would. Still sniffling, he reached over and curled his fingers around her hand, his movement cautious, careful, almost fearful she might reject it. He shouldn't trust himself to touch anyone. "You might have to help me," he told her, swallowing a small sob.

Tag: @harpermcintyre

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This is my Fight Song --TAKE BACK MY LIFE SONG, PROVE I'M ALRIGHT SONG When Jasper took hold of Harper's hand, she didn't pull away but she had to admit that she was surprised by the gesture. As much as she had been surprised by the fact that Jasper had taken hold of her arm when she had hugged him. He was still human and the part of him that craved affection obviously hadn't broken. That was a good sign to Harper, underneath everything that he did and said to show he was broken completely. His request for her help wasn't as much of a surprise. With all the alcohol he had drank, Harper wouldn't expect him to be able to walk straight all by himself. When he had been walking away from Harper earlier he definitely hadn't been managing it well and since then he had put more alcohol into his system. Harper would be fine with helping him to camp, she just needed to be sure she did it without hurting herself. Training had been happening but she still didn't have too much muscle to her.  Harper had noticed the fact that Jasper had been crying yet again but she didn't react to it how she had before. She didn't hug him again. It wasn't that she suddenly didn't care, it was that she would already have to deal with the stench of alcohol as she helped him back to camp and she didn't want to deal with the intensity of it that she now knew well came with giving Jasper a hug. "I'll help you," she told him, a weak smile on her face as she wrapped her own fingers back around Jasper's hand. She gave Jasper's hand a light squeeze before pulling her knees in and crouching. It took her a moment to work out the best way to go about the situation. She took the assumption that Jasper would need help standing but she had no idea just how much help he needed. Letting go of Jasper's hand, Harper wrapped that arm around Jasper's waist. Her other hand rested on her own thigh, reading to give Jasper extra support if he needed it. "Let's stand, I've got you." @jasper420

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Jasper watched blearily as Harper got into a crouched position and wrapped an arm around his waist. "Think I can stand," he mumbled, and tried to push himself up using the tree he was leaning against. She ended up having to help him a little bit, but even in his drunken state, he didn't know how her leg was, so he tried to use her to steady himself without putting too much weight on her.

When they were both standing, he draped his arm loosely over her shoulders. "Thanks," he said quietly, starting to head toward camp.

Tag: @harpermcintyre