Where The Wild Things Are

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Peace between the Sky People and the Grounders seemed to be holding, and Jackson was starting to feel a sense of calm come over him for the first time in years. Medical wasn't overwhelmed, as it had been on the Ark, just by the sheer population difference on the ground as compared to the Ark for starters. But also because the ground wasn't currently an active war zone anymore, and the people who had been drilled at Mount Weather were recovering.

Jackson had convinced Kane to allow him to go on a supply run to Mount Weather the next time the opportunity came up, and Kane had been reluctant, but had agreed. Jackson couldn't wait to get inside the mountain's medical facilities and see what could be useful to their people. It had been a bit of a learning curve to get used to driving a rover, but he was told the guard accompanying him would need his hands free for his weapon, should anything come up. It may not be an active war zone, but there was still danger.

Jackson guided the rover over a bumpy hill, and then down into a valley where he promptly had to slam on his breaks when a young woman came into view just over the hill. Jackson's heart pounded in his chest. He'd almost run her right over. The guard, obviously less unnerved by having almost crushed a girl under this giant metal machine, popped out of the top of the rover and aimed his gun at her.

Jackson blinked at her for several long heartbeats, and then sucked in a sharp breath of recognition. Under the wild red hair was Clarke Griffin. "Lower your weapon!" he barked at the guard, then put the Rover in park and jumped out. For a moment, all he could do was stare at her, his mouth hanging open. They had been somewhat close on the Ark. He'd known her since she was eight or nine and had helped train her in Medical. When he'd first seen how much the ground had changed her, it's had been something of a shock.

But this... This was not the same Clarke he'd met as a child. This was not even the same Clarke he'd met again on Earth.

"Clarke," he said finally, moving slowly toward her. He struggled to find more words. "You mother is worried sick about you. Where have you been?"



Clarke Griffin

[Clarke Griffin]

Surprisingly the last two days were quiet. She managed to hunt enough food to last her for a while, so she could just travel, try to find a place where nothing was haunting her and no Grounder craved to take her life. A great part of her knew that place was probably an illusion, impossible to find. She still knew that she couldn't face anyone, certainly not the grounders who wanted her dead, though for the wrong reasons.. The reasons should be Tondc, to hold her accountable for something she had actually done or well had been made to do, there was a thin line that she didn't even know how to define. 


She jumped at the thing coming at her. Clarke literally froze. The person was unfamiliar, at least the first. The second person was familiar. She shied back, a bit like a scared animal, eyes wide and almost scared. They wanted to speak, Jackson seemed to want to speak, but Clarke knew she wasn't even remotely in control of herself. 
"I was here and there...." She replied, voice low. "I... She doesn't need to worry. I'm fine. I can handle the wilderness." Herself and her emotions, now that was a different story. She was straight up running and hiding from those.



@severitysoftly

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Was Clarke afraid of him? Jackson wondered. Surely Clarke knew that Jackson wasn't a threat. Was it the rover? The guard? Jackson glanced back at the rover and saw that the guard had not lowered his weapon, as Jackson had asked. He was a newer guard, and Jackson knew full well that in spite of his position, some of the guards didn't quite respect him, or maybe trust his orders, because he didn't fight. He hadn't been outside of camp often. Some of them just thought he was Abby's lapdog doctor friend. "I said lower your weapon. That's the Chancellor's daughter,"  he said, gesturing toward Clarke. This time, the guard lowered his gun, and Jackson turned back to Clarke.

"She doesn't need to worry? Clarke, she's your mother. There's no switch she can flip to turn that off." Jackson had been hurt by Clarke's disappearance as well, but with the distance between Clarke and him now, his hurt had largely been on behalf of Abby. He walked toward Clarke again, still moving slowly. "And you don't look fine to me."



Clarke Griffin

[Clarke Griffin]

Clarke stood there and watched him, them for a while. She didn't know what to think. She knew it was dangerous for them to be close to her. What if grounders were around? She was a bringer of death, Wanheda, as they called her and right now, in that instant, gaze wild and unfocused, she knew she had to get away, even though she didn't want to. She wanted to go home and see her mother, her friends. She had almost gone back once. And then she found out she could not.  It would put them in danger. But somehow her mind was not strong enough in that moment, she found. Because as she wanted to assure him she was fine, how could she not be?

"I'm not." That's what she said instead. She wasn't okay. Not by a long shot. How could she be? She wanted to go home. She wanted to be able to, but she knew death would follow her, like the grounders said. She felt her eyes sting, unshed tears building in them. She missed her mom and her friends, every single one, but she had to stay away, for their sakes. "They're hunting me, Jackson."



@severitysoftly

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When Clarke's eyes started to fill with tears, Jackson forgot about trying to approach her cautiously, instinctively wanting to offer her comfort. This was not the Clarke he'd seen grow up on th Ark, but it was still Clarke. And she was clearly scared, and probably lonely and exhausted. He stopped to stand in front of her, reaching out automatically to touch her arm. "What do you mean they're hunting you, Clarke? Who? Th Grounders?"

He ducked his head sightly to be more at her eye level, his expression concerned as he tried to hold her gaze. "Are you hurt?" Clarke was good in medical. He was sure she had taken care of any injuries she may have sustained out here as best she could, but there were some things you simply couldn't treat on your own, without a second pair of hands.

Tag: Clarke Griffin

[Clarke Griffin]

Clarke wrapped her arms around herself, feeling slightly securer with the pressure she put around herself, as if holding herself together. All of this was a question of definition sadly. Was she hurt? Yes. Was it something someone could heal? She doubted it. Of course she had one or two actual injuries, which came from living outside alone. And it came from being on the run. That alone wasn't nice. To know that while she left on her own, she couldn't go back or she'd risk the lives of those she cared about, those who cared about her - or at least used to.  She nodded. "The Grounders." They betrayed them and now they hunted her. Wasn't that just brilliant? And for what? Some stupid idea of reincarnation. It wouldn't work. There was no way it could ever work. 


"I'm... just a few scratches... trees don't care who you are." Not many of them were trees to begin with.  A lot more were from animals or grounders. A fresh scratch was bleeding o her arm, from a panther, but that was barely anything worth looking at. "Those will heal." Unless she got them infected, but she didn't intend to. There were some herbs, like those coloring her hair at the moment.  "You can't tell Mom."



@severitysoftly

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Jackson listened as Clarke described her injuries as a few scratches that would heal, relieved she hadn't gotten hurt too much or had anything infected. But then she said not to tell her mom, and he blinked at her, slightly surprised. She had to know that Jackson didn't keep things like this from Abby. Abby would probably be relieved just to know Clarke was still alive. And she had to know he didn't intend to just leave her out here.

He frowned, his expression concerned and confused. "Clarke, you should come back to camp with me," he said sincerely. "We can protect you. There is strength in numbers." He paused, still looking her intently in the eyes. "What happens next time if you get more than a scratch? What happens if you can't fix it yourself? We want you safe."

Tag: Clarke Griffin

[Clarke Griffin]

"What numbers? Trikru alone outnumbers us. Azgeda outnumbers us. We don't have the numbers." They never had. They still held their own. And she suspected they still could, but was this a risk she was willing to take? She doubted it. And she was nowhere near the woman she was when she left. Forgotten and dead was her aspiration to become a doctor, to safe lives. She took them. And she was pretty sure the Clarke they might want back, no longer existed. Part of her soul, a huge part, died in Mount Weather. She was no longer the Clarke that came to the ground. But then again none of them were the same anymore. Maybe it was time to give up the fight.

Maybe it was time to go back to Camp Jaha. Maybe she should go with him. What was the point in running, when she couldn't run forever? One day they would catch her. Maybe it was better if she was in Camp Jaha and they could just give her to them? Maybe that was a better course.
Clarke gulped heavily. "I... Okay. I'm... I'm coming with you. But.... I'm not the same anymore. I'm a murderer, Jackson. Mom might want me home, but I'm sure not everyone does."



@severitysoftly

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Jackson shook his head when Clarke protested about not having numbers. Sure, the Grounders outnumbered their people by a lot, but Jackson had meant that all of their people put together were a stronger front than one teenage girl on her own. And even if the Grounders outnumbered them, they hadn't managed to wipe their people out. Not yet, anyway.

Jackson was hit with both relief and surprise when Clarke said she would come back with him, but he wasn't quite sure how to respond to her admission that she was a murderer. She was. And she certainly wasn't the same anymore. But she wasn't the only one in the control room at Mount Weather, and wasn't the only one among their people to have killed. Jackson wasn't entirely sure why the Grounders would only hunt Clarke and not also hunt Bellamy or Monty.

"If anyone has a problem with it, we'll take care of it," he promised. "We can get through it, and you'll be safer with us." He stepped back, angling his body toward the rover in a silent invitation for her to follow him to it. "I know a lot has changed, but..." He trailed off. Telling her the little girl he'd met as a teenager was still in her--it had to be--would be met with her refusal to believe it, he thought. "I want you home too," he said finally.

Tag: Clarke Griffin

[Clarke Griffin]

The thing they had with them - an automobile - was slightly scary. Was it save? Who made it? Why did they make it? Did they need to go fast now? How was it fueled - not that she would actually understand it, but history lessons had taught her about how humanity almost destroyed earth by using the wrong way to power such vehicles. But that didn't matter now. She moved forward, almost shyly. A now calloused hand, rough with healed and healing cuts and scrapes reached for Jacksons, to squeeze his.

"Thank you." Being so persistent, not giving up, that was rare in her life for people. She didn't know if it came from him or from how close he was to her mother, but at that moment she hardly cared. It was the first expression of kindness she felt in a while. Since she left Camp Jaha actually.  She looked up into his eyes. "Don't tell mom I might have injuries, please." She all but begged. "I... need the pain, however small it is at the moment. I need it. I'll make sure it doesn't get infected, but... I need the pain."



@severitysoftly

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Jackson smiled at Clarke when she took his hand. It wasn't a particularly happy smile, but it was one that returned her thanks. He was thankful she was coming back with him, and he hoped that even if they'd grown apart, she would understand the meaning in his expression still. He tightened his fingers around her hand and started to guide her toward the car.

When she started speaking of needing the pain, though, his smile faded. Jackson wasn't a doctor of psychology, but he had read some about it, and he dealt with so many different types of people in his job that he felt like he knew how to navigate people well, even when he didn't understand. People were generally pain averse. They didn't want to hurt. "Why?" he asked her simply as they walked. Maybe if she could explain, he could try to find the words to make things better. Maybe.

Tag: Clarke Griffin

[Clarke Griffin]

"It's nature." It was... hard to explain. But living out there did some things to her. Even though she could barely cope with what she had done, part of her could now. There was a reason for it. Nature had a funny way of setting things into perspective. "Pain is how nature tells you something is dangerous." He knew that, obviously, his training had taught him that, just like it had taught her the same thing. He knew the mechanisms of pain. He knew that one pain numbed other pain sometimes. He knew all of that and she guessed he was thinking of a not so good way of letting her stay in pain. Her reason was slightly different.

"I forget." She started. "I forget pain. I loose... track of nature and the world. Pain and needs ground me." Okay, maybe it wasn't good at all. But at the moment it was the only explanation she had. It was the truth, as bitter as that was. Clarke sighed. And that truth sadly included more. "I'm lost. I don't know how to deal with what I experienced. And I don't have faith in the future anymore. I had it when we landed, but the things I saw... I... need the pain, because nature still makes sense, Jackson. Nature is not about politics and schemes. Nature makes sense, I don't. I'm... hoping by believing in nature I can find my roots again and... grow from there."



@severitysoftly

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Jackson wasn't entirely sure he understood what Clarke meant, but hearing her talk about everything she'd been through broke his heart a little. She felt lost, and for some reason the pain made sense to her. She was scared, and Jackson was tempted to pull her into his arms like she was the same little girl he'd called "kiddo" on the Ark. But after everything she'd been through, he didn't know if calling her that now would be insulting, or if it would remind her of better times, and maybe help her see that she could return to herself again if he could still see it in her.

Instead, he tugged her closer and loosely draped his arm around her shoulders as he guided her toward the passenger side of the rover. "I won't tell her," he promised. "If you promise you'll come to me if you need help with anything, if anything gets infected, or... if you need to talk." He wasn't a therapist, but being a doctor required him to be a good listener. "And... you're on your own trying to convince her not to check you out herself when we get back," he added, his tone barely teasing.

Tag: Clarke Griffin

[Clarke Griffin]

"I could bite." Clarke suggested as he told her she was on her own against her mom. She wouldn't, but she might actually threaten it. Maybe it would get her mom to stay away from her for a while. It was possible that after she was gone for however log she was, that Abby thought Clarke might be able to actually bite. Well, she was. She had bitten someone before in self defense and she knew, in a vulnerable moment at night, disturbed by the wrong person, she might bite in self defense as well. Not that she wanted to achieve that or anything. 

"I... don't even know how to talk about it." Clarke admitted. She leaned closer into him, feeling the familiar feeling of some form of safety and comfort as she had on the Ark around him. She still couldn't put it into words how it felt and even less why it felt good but different from the safety and comfort of her parents. She guessed she didn't have to find words for it either. That was just how this kind of stuff worked. She guessed it had to feel different and unique with other people. "What if I don't want to talk? What if I just... want to sit with you and not talk?"

@severitysoftly

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Jackson hoped Clarke was joking about biting her mother, but with as strangely as she was acting, he wasn't sure. "No biting," he said, in as light a tone as he could manage before instructing the guard with him to sit in the back of the rover so Clarke could take the passenger seat. He could feel her leaning into him more as they walked, so he tightened his arm around her shoulders a little bit.

"That's okay too, kiddo," he said, looking down at her with a hint of a smile, deciding to take the risk of calling her that again. Maybe he could help her, help bring her back to who she was. He had very little free time, but he could try. He guided her into the passenger seat of the rover, then went around to the driver's seat and climbed in, starting the engine back up. Before driving anywhere, though, he glanced over at her. "I was supposed to be going to Mount Weather for medical supplies. Can you handle going back there, oor should we just go back home?" Abby would forgive him not getting their supplies if he came back with Clarke instead.

Tag: Clarke Griffin