Homeward Bound

[Clarke Griffin]

Bellamy Blake

---

It’s not been long since the city of light collapsed under ALIE. Clarke was still a bit shaky from it all, but she still didn’t get a break. While Arkadia seemed to want to go back to normal, Clarke could see how impossible normal was now. They didn’t seem to trust Bellamy, despite how much he had done for everyone all the time, Clarke saw how people refused to trust in Bellamy. It was disgusting to see. At the same time Grounders walked in and out as if they owned the place. And in ways they did. They made them their bitches. Inwardly, Clarke was bristling with anger, but she knew they had a purpose. They would coddle Kane and Co until they got what their commander wanted: The flame. The very same flame that Clarke had safely tucked away, always close to her. Maybe it was time to take it from them once and for all.

Clarke approached Bellamy carefully, not wanting to startle him or make him uncomfortable. She knew she was not the sight of the day, her injuries from the city of light carrying into reality. She didn’t know how it must have felt for him, her being unconscious and injuries appearing on her, while there was nothing he could do to stop it. He was a natural protector.
“You okay?” She asked him the moment she knew she entered his peripheral vision. Clarke dug into her pocket and pulled out the metal case holding the second AI, dried blood still on it, hers. Clarke placed it on the table in front of him. She hated to approach him because of that. She wished she could have just come to talk, but it was still not fully over. “The grounders want that. I think Kane will want to give it to him. I don’t think we should let them have it.” She had two ideas for it. But she was done running from him. Everyone else was a different story, but she… she had wronged him and he had been right: People died when she was in charge. When they both made the decisions that was when people survived. So this decision was theirs to make.

“We could destroy it…. Or we could leave.”

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

The City of Light had fallen. Arkadia was reclaimed by the Arkers . . . and the Grounders, apparently. With Pike's death, Marcus Kane was the Chancellor and it seemed that the first order of business, was solidifying their position as the 13th Clan. It was ridiculous. Bellamy had been against the idea from before, whether it was Pike leading or not. It condemned their people; following a leader who had no kind feelings towards them. They would never truly be Grounders. Hell, there were already those against their positions and they would strike. And strike hard. That was part of the entire situation that left Bellamy feeling helpless. The other . . . was the severed ties. His sister hated him. As did Kane.

You're dead to me.

He's the enemy.

The words constantly played in his mind, over and over again. No longer was it just the events of Mount Weather or the culling that haunted his dreams. It was the ones he had lost . . . emotionally lost. Lincoln was dead -- a man who had been a brother of heart. And as Bellamy was a previous supporter of Pike, he was a convenient scapegoat. He blamed himself, of course. Perhaps he shouldn't have gone to Octavia. Perhaps he should have just tried to save Lincoln himself. But it was too late. He was dead to his sister. Kane no longer trusted him -- and with that, came the lacking position in the guard. Bellamy had never felt more out of place. He hardly even spoke to the others anymore. Perhaps the only one that he could carry a conversation with . . . was Clarke.

She stayed this time, for now, and he could recognize her own feelings towards the entire situation. Hearing her voice, Bellamy turned to face her. He was broken, and yet all he could do was contain his emotions; remain stoic as always. And fight through surviving another day in this place. She asked him he was ok. The question touched him, though he showed no outward sign of it. She was perhaps the only one who had asked, in a long time. "Fine," he said dismissively, no longer able to care about his own mental, emotional or physical state. Instead, he focused on what she held in her hand. The case. The second AI. What was known as the flame to the Grounders.

She was right. It would only be a matter of time before Kane handed it over. Especially once the Grounders started threatening. They couldn't give it to them. Bellamy's trust for the Grounders hadn't grown. They were still a group that had betrayed their people; a group that would see them dead. "Right now, that thing is the only leverage we have to use against the Grounders." Should they decide to wage war, the Arkers had nothing else. The free pass that Grounders had to enter and leave Arkadia exposed them to their defenses, technologies, layouts of their building city . . . and everything else. Should the time come, the only thing that could potentially stop them, was keeping the flame. If they destroyed it, they would lose that too.

She then gave two suggestions, one sounding better than the other based on Bellamy's previous words. He had never thought of leaving Arkadia, mainly because he had no where else to go. But now . . . there was a purpose to leaving. He was not welcome here anymore, he knew that. "We need to keep it out of their hands." Which seemed to leave only one option. Yet not one that Bellamy said lightly. "Leaving may be our only chance to do that." Clarke had her mother here though. She had people who still cared about her. He couldn't ask her to leave that, yet he had a feeling she wouldn't relinquish her responsibility to the flame either. "I can take it." It was more of an offer than demand, giving her that out if she didn't want to leave; if she wanted to stay here. This was now her home more than his, for home was where your loved ones were.

[Clarke Griffin]

She agreed. It needed to stay away from the Grounders, which was why she had denied even having it. Nobody could know of the chip still being intact. She denied having it, but they guessed it was still in Arkadia, which was why she suspected them to still be here. They wanted the flame. They couldn’t have it. One way or another she and Bell would prevent it. It was time for her to stay and play by his guidance. Without him a lot more people would be dead now, but they weren’t. And those people were disregarding him now, which was one of the reasons why Clarke found no sympathy for them anymore either. Not that they found any for them. It was clearer with Bellamy, but Clarke, even weakened, saw the looks, heard the gossip. This was no longer her home. She had no idea where it was, not anymore, not for a while. She knew where it used to be, but they could never come back.

“Not alone.” Clarke whispered. She reached for the flame. “Not alone.” Nothing held her in Arkadia, but him maybe. And she had made a mistake once. She was not about to make the same mistake twice. She couldn’t do it. She needed to not allow him to leave alone, as she had left before. She couldn’t take him for granted anymore. It was her mistake before. “I’m coming with you. I made the mistake of leaving you once. I will not do it again.” Besides, what held her here? Only him. “I’m on your side, Bellamy. Come what may. We’re doing this together.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Not alone. Together. The words sounded too good to be true. Bellamy wished he could just fall into them, embrace them, confirm them. But . . . he couldn't. He had reservations. The last time he had prompted them to do something together, they had committed genocide and she had left him. He wanted to trust her again. So damn badly. But, he was afraid to. And yet, if there was anyone left at this place . . . it was her. It wasn't by default either. The two of them had done things; things that would forever burden them. No one else would or could understand that. He remained silent, finding it impossible to just accept her words and start making arrangements. She said together. But . . . did she really mean it?

"You have family here, Clarke," he told her. His words were not coming from the fear of entrusting her with unconditional partnership . . . but rather, the guilt that he would feel if he knew she left this place, because of him. For him. He didn't want that. He didn't want her to leave for him, fearing the resentment she may feel for him down the road. "People who care about you." Something they no longer had in common. "You shouldn't leave that." He paused for a moment, his eyes meeting her own gaze. "Least of all for me." Because he knew he wasn't worth it. He had severed all ties he had here. And he would forever hate himself if she had to suffer the consequences of that too. Together. It sounded so good. Too good. But he couldn't invest himself in that hope anymore . . . he wouldn't recover from the disappointment if it was like last time.

[Clarke Griffin]

It was easy to say she had family. Yes, she had her mother. But where did family start? Where did it end? She had seen Roan and his mother. Nia had happily thrown him into the pit, ready to take his life with this one action and he was her son, her flesh and blood. Family was no longer easy to define for her. It was certainly not blood. It couldn’t be, because by now she knew that people who did not share her blood were willing to fight for her a lot more than those sharing it. Yes, her mother wanted her safe. But it was not her, who fought to keep her safe. And she agreed to this. She was for this, being the thirteenth clan. No good came from it. She was tired of those games, tired of being at the mercy of grounder charity, tired of having to do what they had to do. She didn’t want that anymore, but less for her, more for Bellamy. He lost so much. She wouldn’t let him punish himself more, because even though a lot of people punished him, it seemed nothing compared to how he beat himself up. Clarke placed her hand on his, gently moving it to hold it. 

“You’re wrong in this, Bellamy.” She said, confident in it., extremely confident in it. She just needed him to understand it, because it took her long enough to understand it herself. “Family is more than just blood. Mom has chosen Kane as her family. And Kane has chosen to accept the Grounders back. You fought so hard for everyone.” And they punished him for it. It wasn’t fair and it wasn’t his fault their leaders made all the mistakes he had to fix – Clarke included. And he still saved them all. Every time. It was time to give him something back. And even if it was just a broken girl to keep him company. And part of it was selfish, too, of course. “You saved my life. More than once. Even more recently when you took the AI out of me. If you want me to stay with my family, Bellamy.” She said. “I will have to stay right here with you, leaving with you, doing this with you, together, like family does.” Placing the case in his hand. “Besides, I happen to care about you.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

The physical contact of Clarke taking his hand, caused his eyes to fall down to their now touching skin. He hadn't felt the comfort of such a touch since . . . well, for quite some time now. He had craved it; of course he did. He was human after all. But had dared not seek it out from the others. Dare not show any indication to it. He listened to her words as he watched their joined hands. Family. She was right in that it was more than just blood. He had once naively believed that the delinquents were his family. That Kane was a father of heart. He had failed all of them, left with nothing but the hope that they would see him the same way . . . only to be faced with the heartbreaking disappointment that such wasn't the case. Clarke had left, but she was here now, trying to make amends. He wasn't as quick as some of the others to dismiss that.

To allow one event to cloud everything else she had done for them; for him. He swallowed, fighting back the emotions, focusing on her words though he deserved no comfort from them. He had fought hard, but not hard enough. He had lost everyone. No. Almost everyone. The fact that Clarke saw him as family . . . it meant more to him than he was capable of expressing. But when she said those words, one that revealed she cared about him, the emotion became impossible to contain. He felt the sting of tears, his eyes welling with a few yet forced them not to spill. He hadn't heard such words since Gena. Since he had that support figure; someone he loved and who loved him. She moved the case into his hand, but it wasn't what was foremost on his mind. She cared about him. Hearing the words . . . made him finally feel something, albeit a small flicker of it . . . apart from pain and the despair of loneliness. "Likewise," he managed to get out in a low, but strongly sincere voice.

"Thank you." Words spoken in the same tone. Thank you. For not giving up on him. For not leaving him -- physically or emotionally. It was more than the others. And not something he could expect from anyone. But Clarke . . . she proved otherwise. And he found himself eagerly accepting it. Not just because there was no one else; but because it was Clarke. Specifically Clarke. Too overcome with emotion to be capable to say anything else. At least until he composed himself. Which took only a few additional moments as he finally raised his hand to meet her gaze. "Where are we going to go?" He had asked a similar question once to her, outside the gates of what was Camp Jaha then. Only this time, his question was not filled with defeat. It was no longer a matter of where was she going to go. They were in this together. And they needed to start making a plan.

[Clarke Griffin]

“I have to thank you.” She whispered. She had hurt him. And while in parts the hurt was mutual, she knew of her mistakes and wanted to make amends and she was not going to let him beat himself up about his mistakes anymore. She knew the damage that could be done because of it. Every day, she had done it until she lost herself. She still had to find herself. But it was easier to not look for herself alone and instead be there for someone. That was part of who she was before Wanheda was a thing. Clarke smiled at his familiar question. She didn’t have an answer, just like last time, at least no definite one, but this time she could word it differently, hoping it would prove to be a bit of a reminder, a bit of hope for him. 

“Wherever the hell we want.” Clarke replied. She had an idea on how to make their track simple, better than her last one. Last time she left, just like that, with a knife and a gun and that was it. She had soon regretted it. They needed more supplies. If they wanted to stay away, they should take some things. She knew people, potentially Bellamy, would protest it, but they had to do it. And he deserved to have stuff with him that would help him survive. He sacrificed so much for them, they could sacrifice a few material things for him. “You should pack.” Clarke said. “We don’t know how long we might be out until we find a place. We need supplies, tools. I’ll go talk to Raven and Monty. We should take a rover. Those two can always build another one for Arkadia. But for us it could be really valuable out there.” It could be shelter in storms or against the animals. It could be their home until they found or built a permanent one. It could carry them out of reach of the grounders fast, giving them an extremely valuable headstart. 

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Thank him. No. He was unused to any form of gratitude, often tainted by actions that followed. Her response to his question though drew a slight and faint smile, finding that it was the perfect answer to the broad question. "Sounds good," he said in agreement to her suggestion. He listened to her following suggestions, once again agreeing with them. They were often able to fall into sync about that sort of thing; ever since thier joint leadership at the drop ship. "I can get the Rover," he assured her. They were going with a purpose anyway.

"And a couple guns." Not enough to compromise the safety of Arkadia, but enough so that they could defend themselves. It wasn't even his own protection that he cared about: it was Clarke's. And he didn't give a damn if he had to steal them or if they would willingly give it. Considering Kane's perception of him now . . . Bellamy was prepared for the latter. "When will you be ready to go?" He asked, knowing it would not take him long. With Octavia's anger, he doubted he would even be able to say good bye to her, already planning on writing a letter as that may be the only way to reach her. There was no one else apart from Monty and Raven, that Bellamy felt compelled to say goodbye to.

[Clarke Griffin]

“Sounds like a plan.” Clarke whispered. She could have gotten the Rover, but Bellamy getting it was good, too. Clarke gave him a smile, a real, genuine and almost carefree. Because with Bell by her side, things were not so bad. He was right, they needed guns. And rounds of magazines. People here could make more. So they should take some. It was okay. They might need it to defend themselves. But for hunting and all, they could use spears and knives. They would be fine. They both knew how to survive. 

“I never unpacked.” Clarke pointed out. Then again there was nothing to unpack. She would gather things they might need. “Very soon. A few minutes, fifteen, tops. I’ll meet you at the rover.” With that, she turned. She walked to get what they would need. Since she lived out there alone for three months, she knew what they could need, what would make life so much more comfortable. With the rover they could have security and comfort. They could drive for a long time thanks to the solar panels. She took pots, bed rolls, blankets from the dropship, clothing, paper. And finally she took some fabric for bandages and glasses for herbs that they would need. With all of that in tow she made her way to the rover, smiling at the one person she trusted with her life and the one person she knew she would do anything for and not be disappointed, because he was genuine, he was real. “I got everything. Wanna go?”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

The fact that she hadn't unpacked, said quite a bit in itself. This place wasn't a home for them anymore. He felt . . . out of place. Those in charge perceived him as the enemy -- words that could not, nor were attempted to be taken back or recanted in any way. Right now, Clarke was the only one he felt comfortable with; the only one who seemed able to stand to look at him. Monty and Raven were the others. But everyone else . . . he was just so damn tired of trying. Of doing everything he could, only to be given grief. He needed to get away, and while it may not be forever, it would at least give him a break. Give him some space and distance. He gave a nod as he turned to leave, making a mental list of all they needed. He didn't have much to pack, stuffing what few belongings he did have into a bag. He glanced around his room once more; a room that had been shared with Gena, not that long ago.

Part of the reason this no longer felt like a home. He then pulled out a pen and paper, taking a seat and spend majority of the time writing a letter for his sister. She may never read it, she may not care . . . but his thoughts were written down. Assurance of how he loved her, apology for what he had done, and acknowledgment that he would not burden her any longer. Once the letter was complete he folded it up and it was his first destination. He didn't want to fight with her.

He didn't want to argue. Unaware if she was even at home, he slipped the letter under her door. She would do better without him here. She had the support of Kane, Jasper, and the others. She would be fine. His presence, was only making things worse. Once that was done he went to say his goodbyes to Raven and Monty, the two other people that had never looked at him like he was the enemy, nor treated him as such. When the goodbyes were said . . . his next step, was the armory. He packed a couple of guns, and a small hand one, while taking a decent and practical amount of bullets with them. He also made sure to take a couple knives, and blades, along with a couple of spears.

Once he was satisfied with the weapon selection, he made his way to their food supply, taking a few things with them. When he grabbed everything he needed, he made his way to the Rover to load it up. After some discussion, he left them with no other choice than him taking it. Clarke soon arrived and he gave a short nod, opening the door for her before getting into the driver's seat.

"Let's go," he said in a low voice, starting up the vehicle as the garage door began to open for them. Once it was, he hesitated only for a moment, realizing the magnitude of this. Losing that sense of belonging. Yet finding it, with Clarke. Bellamy took a deep breath before backing out of the garage, and driving toward the gates that were already being opened for them. "So nowhere in particular," he confirmed, thinking back to their earlier conversation. "Just . . . gonna drive." And yet, there was something oddly peaceful about that.

[Clarke Griffin]

Clarke noticed people around, wanting to say their goodbyes. She was glad not to see grounders among them. Maybe those who cared, knew that the grounders were not welcome in seeing them part. They were leaving, in part because of them. They needed to protect the chip from the horrible leader they had. They needed to keep her and others small. They needed her to not be able to become the real deal. She could never become the real deal, because as long as Arkers had the chip, the falme, they would be safe. But of course the Arkers would certainly not honor that. Most would see them as having run. Well she was running and she didn’t care one bit. She couldn’t care one bit. 

Once in the rover with Bellamy, she remained silent until they were well away from Arkadia. This time it was just them. It felt weird, but good. Being on a mission with Bellamy always held something secure for her. She could feel safe around Bellamy and she did. He was a protector and even though he made mistakes, who didn’t? Not a single one of those condemning him now, was without mistake, but they hated him for making one. It was not even remotely fair. At least Bellamy was willing to fix his mistakes. He held remorse, not many did. Clarke turned to look at him. She actually managed to smile then. Because why shouldn’t she? Arkadia lay behind them. They could no longer reach them. 

“How are you feeling?” She asked her friend, hoping to hear that a bit of the worry was lifted from his shoulders, that the prospect of leaving with her was a good one for him. She hoped he’d be fine. She hoped they would be fine. Together they could be. 

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

i don't want

TO FEEL THAT WAY ANYMORE

Clarke broke the silence -- a welcome alernative to sitting in silence the entire time . . . asking him how he was feeling. Fine was how he should answer. It was how he often answered. His emotions were not relevant. And yet, with her . . . they had always been. She was one of the first people unrelated to him, that he had opened up to in such a way. Which was why it had hurt so much when she left. Because he was emotionally vulnerable; dependant on her in ways he hadn't even realized. He wasn't fine. And somehow, he didn't feel like he wanted to lie about it.

He felt compelled to give an answer more . . . than a mere 'fine'. He didn't overthink it, and just allowed whatever words immediately came to mind, come out. "For the first time in a while, I feel like I can breathe." Did that make sense? He wasn't sure. The months she had been gone had been difficult, made easy by the presence of certain other person. One who was now dead because of him. Yet . . . being here, away from the others who looked at him as the enemy . . . and being with Clarke . . . he felt a burden lifted.

It was damn selfish, he knew that. But he couldn't help it. He wondered if his answer was insane, reflective of how selfish he figured it surely was. Yet, he never feared judgment from Clarke. She of all people understood him better than most. Perhaps better than anyone else. "What about you?" He asked, turning his head to look at her for a moment before averting it back to the aimless road ahead of them. "How are you feeling?" He further elaborated his inquiry.

[Clarke Griffin]

It souded good. He could breath, that was exactly what they wanted. They wanted him to be able to breathe. They both needed to be able to breathe. Arkadia was no longer the place for that. It was suffocating. It was horrible. To both of them. They could not breathe there. But here, with just him. She could. It was what they did, that allowed them to breathe around each other. Clarke bit her lower lip. She knew that he felt guilt. But so did she. They had done unspeakable things. They grew from it. The guilt gnawed away, but what was characteristic for them, especially together was the fact that they knew of their mistakes and they strived to learn from them. It was his influence, she was sure of that now.

“I’m much better now.” She replied. Emotionally at least. She had a few pains, but they would pass. Those wounds would heal much easier than the emotional ones. “My neck still hurts. And… I feel freer.” She admitted. Unlike last time she left, she felt free, good actually. Because she had him. Last time she had left him behind and it was a mistake. “This is good. This is good for us.” She whispered. “We can heal now, together. We can heal each other and ourselves.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

i don't want

TO FEEL THAT WAY ANYMORE

Bellamy listened intently as she spoke of how she was better now -- the male making a mental note to check that her neck was healing alright. Even though Clarke was the medical expert, he still felt compelled to check. To make sure that everything was alright. He couldn't remember a time in his life where he wasn't taking care of someone, and right now, a great deal of that would be channeled onto her. She mentioned the word freer and well, he found it to be quite the accurate description. "Who knew that we would never need freedom from our own people," he said reflectively. But it had come down to that. Decisions that placed their trust in the Grounders that Bellamy could no longer idly stand by and observe nor support. His actions against them had deemed him a villain among some. But now with Clarke.

Having lost Octavia, Clarke was the other person that he cared deeply about. At least they had each other -- as she now mentioned. "I like the sound of that," he truthfully revealed. Being away from all that, and being with her now . . . did feel a hell of a lot liberating. In a weird sense. He supposed that was just what it had come down to. "We deserve this." He didn't feel he did, but he knew that grouping them together would avoid the argument of his worthlessness. Despite the motives of leaving still being in attempt to protect their people -- guarding the flame against the Grounders who may seek to claim it -- they at least were able to not have to place themselves in a position where they were required to make decisions. Either condemned for them, or enduring the burden that it added to their already weighted hearts.

[Clarke Griffin]

"We deserve this." Clarke agreed with a small voice. Of course they deserved it. They fought hard, sacrificed so much, parts of their souls, partners, parts of their happiness. It was time they could get something they loved. It was time they could do something just for themselves and heal. Clarke fell silent after this statement. She felt like it was enough, like adding to it by saying something like she needed him for it or he deserved it a lot more than she, might just ruin the moment of them coming together and agreeing to finally deserving something good in their life, something for themselves. She didn't want to ruin that, for herself, for him. 


The blonde watched the area fly by, surprised by how fast they made progress compared to how slow it all was when she was walking all by herself. Remembering what the vehicle they used was powered with though, she timed it, until she could take it no longer: 
"We should stop here." They were in the middle of some woods. Thick foliage would cover the rover for a bit. They could be relatively safe there. It was a good place to stop. It was still light, but that was also why she said it. "We should stop here and rest now." Clarke, unfortunately, no longer trusted that many other people and her request was born from it. "We might get attacked at night and we would need battery for that. We don't know how long we would have to run so ... we should stop, save battery, use the last light to recharge it."  And then they could go on in the morning, hopefully refreshed. "We have fabric in the back to cover the windows and ... well we should lock ourselves in and rest - after eating."


Bellamy Blake